Not Quite There

It's been interesting trying to live with 7 new roommates. I've been having a lot of out of body experiences lately, examining my situation as though I were removed from it, and it just seems so strange! I'm living with 7 people who a month ago I didn't know existed. We are all forced to become a support system from each other, but how can we do that when we don't know each other well enough to know what each person needs. We are constantly putting  each other in boxes, clinging to the little tid-bits that we've been able to learn in the three weeks we've shared a living space (it still feels too much like an office space, not quite a home).

I never really know if I'm being myself. I will have some moments, like last night playing Canasta with Tomás, where I feel normal again. And then there are other nights, like late night conversations in Sinclair's room, where I feel so misunderstood. Then when I try to clarify why I am the way I am, my explanation doesn't do me justice. I am fluid, my reactions change, I can't give you a reason why I don't hug you when I leave the room without putting myself in a box. And I don't like being in a box. 

I shouldn't have to explain who i am. 

I just am.

Give it time.

We will get to a point of understanding. 

I hope.

It's hard not to feel completely comfortable in your own home. I want to be me, but have always be nervous about how people perceive me. I'm jealous of Gretchen who is who she is without making excuses.  I hold back. And I don't know why. I'm just slower to open up than I thought I would be. I think it has a lot to do with being the youngest. Though I am an ambitious and independent woman, I still feel like I need that guidance. Someone else to pave the way. I can't do it unless I some experience or authority to tell me how. But I don't know anyone who's done this before. It's such strange thing, wonderful at times, with incredible potential, but slow to develop. Hopefully with Patience and Understanding - it will come.

Adventures in Portland

It was a beautiful weekend in the eclectic city of Portland, allowing for a few fun adventures with my roommates:

Friday: Since Renata, Gretchen and I all worked in the city on Friday, we had hoped our roommates would come out to join us for the evening of fun, but everyone was too tired to sit on the max for another 45 minutes. In the meanwhile, we decided to find a nice happy hour to get some dinner on Belmont. Little did we know that this was the one night a month that the Blue Monk featured belly dancers  during happy hour…. These belly dancing women were just people with regular day jobs who have a secret hobby on the side. It was strange. I just tried to eat my shrimp taco in peace and avert my eyes

On Saturday, as planned, Gretchen, Tomas, Justin and I woke up early, packed some lunches and set out on an epic bike ride into Portland to witness the annual Adult Soapbox Derby on Mt. Tabor. Maybe not so epic, I didn’t know what to expect from the 14 mile bike ride. But it was GREAT! We road the flat Springwater trail  to 45^th, then navigated our with through broken bike pedals and busy roads to Mt Tabor. We met up with our other roommates who had taken the Max in and enjoyed our lunches while watching Pigs in Space, spinning cups of coffee, and some more aerodynamic soapboxes speed down the windy road down the mountain. We next ventured to a local gourmet pizza joint for a cold beer and delicious slice before biking back to Gresham. A fabulous day spent outside.

Sunday: back into the city for Sunday market! It was like Seattle’s folk life festival, but it happens every Saturday and Sunday. There’s a whole stop on the Max dedicated to the market. The sights and smells were intoxicating. The number of colors and crafts were enough to make your head spin. After the market, it was to the now weekly Costco run, a lot of frustration, and over budget grocery list… but the day ended with a delicious community dinner and a night of paining the dining room in swimming caps and goggles and rocking out to death metal.

Yay for roommates.

Real World

I'm sitting in the Wallace Medical Concern downtown office off on Overton street just off of 21st. I'm two blocks from the trendy 23rd street and just on the edges of the pearl district. Because I'm working down town today, I gave a ride to my two roommates working downtown today with their placements at El Programa Hispano. It was weird to wake up and hop on the freeway and come into the city to work. This is the real world. I have a job - minus the pay, but a job none the less. When I'm done with work at six, or done with clinic at 10, I got home and don't have to do anything. I can sit around and work on the puzzle in the living room with my roommates without a lab report hanging over my head. I wake up in the morning and don't have to remember to print out my essay that's due or make sure I have all my notebooks for class. I make my self a sandwich and head off to work. It's weird. I don't feel old enough to have a "job."

That was what was on my mind this morning as I crossed the bridge to head into Portland.

Week One

Week one of work is done! It was a short week, but everyone of my housemates is exhausted. Some of us are overwhelmed by the amount of responsibility and knowledge required of our positions, while others are a little bored and waiting for the busy season to kick in. I am definitely overwhelmed, but so excited. I come home every day from work energized and excited for everything I get to do. I have A LOT to learn, but I just try and imagine myself a month from now having a much better handle on things.

I've already jumped into some work. Though it work didn't actually start till wednesday, I've already worked 5 days. I had a 3 hour training session with Prevent Blindness America on tuesday night to be certified to do pediatric visions screenings at the saturday pediatric clinics Wallace sponsors. Thursday was my first clinic day. I got to go down town and shadow my boss and the social work intern I'll be temporarily replacing on how to set up patients with primary care referrals and help them apply for free specialty care. It was great to see the process get started. Janelle, the intern, and I worked with a man recently released from his 10 year stint in prison to help him apply for a program that would allow him to get a free surgery that is necessary for him to be able to work manual labor, the only kind of job he is likely to get, and to find a primary care physician to help him manage his hypertension long term. He had zero money and no help from the government in finding a job. He explained to us how he was trying not to fall back into his patterns of violence and drug use so that he could support himself and he was so grateful that we could help him in his pursuit of staying clean. 

Friday was an interesting day. I went into the office to debrief clinic and help set up for the pediatric clinic, but everybody got to go home around 1pm because the bank in our parking lot was robbed and there was a bomb threat! Gotta love Gresham.

Saturday peds clinic was great! though I did have to get up earlier than I do on normal work days and give up my first saturday in Portland, it was probably the highlight of my week. I got to work with kids of poor families without health insurance and recommended a handful to get glasses. I got to speak some spanish with the families and volunteer interpreters and spent the day chatting about med schools with my fellow pre-med volunteers. 

I've got a lot to learn, but with my super nice co-workers and a boss who's constantly sending me home with her gourmet left-overs, I could not have asked for a better job.

Suprises

One thing that has surprised me is how Catholic everything is. I know that I joined the Jesuit volunteer Corps, but I guess I didn't realize what that meant. I really love and appreciate Jesuit ideas and their focus on action and reflection - understanding how you feel and why you feel that way, but Catholicism scares me. I don't understand it. It's like learning a whole new vocabulary and culture for things that should be simple. I don’t get the subtle jokes, the nuances of catholic culture. 5 of the 7 people in my house are Catholic, or grew up in the Catholic Church. They know all the motions, all the words to say, all the words to the liturgical music, and I sit, stand, and kneel with mild anxiety that I'm making a mistake and someone will stand up and say,  "SHE'S NOT CATHOLIC!" Greeting Parishioners, I feel like I'm lying. They assume I'm catholic, but I'm not. I feel like I need to confess to them like non-Catholics anonymous "Hello, my name is Erin Cooley, and I'm not a catholic." Fear stems from not understanding - I'm definitely a little frightened. 

 

But it's a good thing. I think. I’m surprised that I had so many preconceived notions and prejudices against Catholic people. I'm already having great conversations with my roommates about their upbringing in the Catholic Church. I ask a lot of questions about what stuff means, what I should and shouldn't do, sometimes with answers, sometimes not. It makes me want to understand more about my own Presbyterian upbringing and what I believe that differs from what they believe. Hopefully I can spend time researching church history and culture and more good conversations and growth can stem from my feelings of discomfort.

Finally in Gresham

After a week of deep introspection and hashing out what it means to live in community with my six new friends, I'm finally moved into my house in Gresham. Our house is interesting to say the least. It was built in the early 1900's as a convent for St. Henry's parish, but has served as the office building for El Programa Hispano - a non-profit resource for the Latino community in Gresham - for the past 25 years. For the last year and a half it has been vacant, but occasionally inhabited by homeless squatters. It shares a parking lot with the Parish's community center and a very small back yard with the youth director and his wife - our "support couple." The Parish is right across the street and my housemates and I spent time greeting the parishioners after the three masses yesterday and thanking them for their incredible generosity in donating the furnishings of our home and helping to fix it up. The house is still a work in progress, but livable. My favorite parts of the house are the lavender doors and molding, and sea-foam green cupboards and breakfast nook in the kitchen.

My roommates are amazing. Everyone is pretty down to earth, with the exception of one super A-type go getter from Nashville (Gretchen, who took the MCAT the same day I did). We have some conflicting ideas of what it means to live in an intentional community and to live simply, but we have yet to hash out the details of our weekly community and spirituality nights. Making any decision, such as what kind of milk to buy, and what kinds of foods are essentials take long winded discussions. We have to reach a consensus so that no one looses out and compromises what they want. But we've had some fun late night chats and are definitely bonding as a unit. This year will be full of adventure for sure.

And We're Off

The car is packed. I was able to fit all my stuff into one huge bag, 2 small bags and 3 small boxes, which might sound like a lot but is incredibly cut down from all the stuff I would cart back and forth to Whitworth with me, and I did give a way three big bags of clothes. It all fits in the trunk of my car, except for my guitar and bike. Still, I worry that I have too much stuff. I don't know how much is too much, how much my new roommates will have, how big my closet is. I hope I'm not "the girl with all that stuff" - but I'm just taking advantage of bringing my car down, right? Well, whether they judge me or not, I am meeting my new roommates in about 6 hours. Yikes! 

I'm just taking a leisurely morning to gather a last few things, clean my room after destroying it with all my crap this summer. Maybe a run to clear my head, printing some last minute tabs for my year of reconnecting with my guitar. Then I'm off. A 4 hour drive full of anticipation. Its here. I'm finally going. After months of dreaming and waiting I'm moving finally moving down to Oregon. Wish me luck!