Former Jesuit Volunteer

FJV. I am officially a Former, no longer Current, Jesuit Volunteer. In the last two weeks I have said tearful goodbyes to the people who have been a part of my every day life for the past 365 days, moved out of my convent-turned home, moved into an attack room of my coworker's house and her family of four, supported my friends doing a second year of JVC by going to orientation, tried unsuccessfully to connect with new JVs, and cried a lot. Those who know me best know I don't deal so well with transition and change. The change is hardest when it something you wouldn't necessarily chose for yourself. I don't want move away and no longer see these people every day - but that is just how it goes. Out time is up.

I don't necessarily want to keep on being a Jesuit Volunteer, I feel like my experience has been complete. But I am mourning the absence of friends and living in an intentional community. And I am continuing to work at Wallace until the end of the month. I thought it would be nice to not have to say goodbye to everything all at once - first the roommates, then the coworkers - but I may have been wrong. It is strange to not be able to share the nuances of my day at work with Gretchen, Renata, Sinclair, Tomás, and Justin. It kinda feels like its just drawing out my ability to process and bring closure to this year. As I train the new JV I am slowly removing myself from my attachment to Wallace - which is sad in a way.

And I thought I would be able to enjoy all the things I love about Portland, but have discovered that the city is only as wonderful as the people you have to experience it with. I spent endless weekends walking down Hawthorne with my ladies. Or escaping on NW 23rd. Or simply admiring the adorable houses and coveting other people's porches. Its not the same without them. I'd rather hide in my attack room, or distract myself by perusing the internet for houses in Seattle at a coffee shop.

So I am an Former Jesuit Volunteer in a strange limbo. I am just trying to hang in for another week and half before I can move on, get to Seattle, and start my next adventure.