Done

I'm doing well. I'm ready to move on. And I finally get to. I just got back from my last downtown clinic. It was long and tedious with high maintenance physicians and a hell of a lot of patients demanding my time and energy. I was worn down and ready to leave once it was all over - which is a good thing. I am ready to leave. We went out to Kell's downtown to celebrate afterwards - my boss and the new JV, and 3 of the intake volunteers I've gotten to know over the past year. We ate lots of food, drank good beer, shared stories and laughed a lot.

I'm happy.
I'm scared.
Scared of what Seattle brings. Scared of finding housing. Scared of not having friends or not seeing the friends that I think I have as much as I plan to right now. Scared of figuring out a new routine.

But it's time. And its been a long time coming - four weeks to be exact.

Its a long time to live in a strange limbo, not able to able to move on, and not yet letting go.

But now I can move forward.

Onto the next adventure...

What I've Learned at Wallace

* I shared this with my co-workers at my final All Staff meeting today through tear filled eyes. It is a mixture of my personal statement and some secondaries I've written for Medical School applications. Wallace has been a very special place and helped me grow in ways I did not expect to grow this year. I am so grateful that I was able to be a part of the Wallace family.

A key requirement of a physician is the ability to connect with a diverse patient population. It is not enough to be intelligent and competent; when a patient is not comfortable with their physician, it can be a serious barrier to care.

During college, I visited nine countries spanning four continents and interacted with many different peoples and cultures. Yet I grew the most in my ability to connect with people with experiences very different from mine in my own back yard. I worked with the uninsured and low-income population during my year of service with the Wallace Medical Concern. One patient came in needing a referral to general surgery. He was recently released from his second incarceration, wore baggy pants, an oversized t-shirt, had long hair slicked back into a ponytail and tattoos from his ankles to his neck. He was looking for a job, but could only find work doing manual labor because of his appearance. With a hernia this was impossible. As we looked for a clinic to manage his hypertension so he could qualify for surgery, he avoided certain areas of town so he wouldn’t fall back into selling drugs. He was compliant and grateful. I was proud to be a partner in his journey to turning his life around.

This year I have served businessmen who all of a sudden found themselves sleeping in their car, sexual minorities fleeing unwelcome homes, and people experiencing homelessness because of mental illness. By maintaining professionalism and providing compassionate care to everyone who walks through our doors, we are able to preserve dignity and show the respect to those typically marginalized in society.

Serving as a Referral Coordinator has taught me other vital aspects of health care—namely the power of listening to patients, the value of collaboration, and the importance of patient education. I discovered that patients were eager to talk to me because there were so few people that would listen. Through their stories of financial struggles and mental health issues, I saw how the practice of medicine has to provide care to the whole person, the physical as well as the psychological and social. I realized that it is more effective to advocate for patients by collaborating with other community health clinics and tapping into community resources that help provide integrated health care. Also surprising is the lack of knowledge our patients have about basic health, self-care, and the health care system. Hearing their stories and talking with them, I have had the opportunity to educate patients on the importance of primary care and how that can help alleviate excessive emergency room visits and unnecessary financial burden on low-income families.

I truly believe I will be a better doctor because of my experience at the Wallace Medical Concern. It has helped me put my ideals into practice. Serving the poor and uninsured sounds like a noble goal, but to sit in a room with a woman in tears because of excruciating back pain and possible cancer having no where to send her is a humbling experience. The struggles of my patients became more real to me this year than I could have imagined. Health truly is a gift that can offer hope in times of hardship.

My experience at Wallace has helped me realize that serving the health care needs of underserved communities is driving my career ambition. I will educate patients on preventative measures that can improve quality of life and reduce costs for individuals and organizations. I will work to break down barriers in the public institutions that inhibit human dignity and the basic human right to health. I desire to serve the underserved and vulnerable, and provide for them comprehensive and compassionate health care. I can best serve these communities as a physician.

Former Jesuit Volunteer

FJV. I am officially a Former, no longer Current, Jesuit Volunteer. In the last two weeks I have said tearful goodbyes to the people who have been a part of my every day life for the past 365 days, moved out of my convent-turned home, moved into an attack room of my coworker's house and her family of four, supported my friends doing a second year of JVC by going to orientation, tried unsuccessfully to connect with new JVs, and cried a lot. Those who know me best know I don't deal so well with transition and change. The change is hardest when it something you wouldn't necessarily chose for yourself. I don't want move away and no longer see these people every day - but that is just how it goes. Out time is up.

I don't necessarily want to keep on being a Jesuit Volunteer, I feel like my experience has been complete. But I am mourning the absence of friends and living in an intentional community. And I am continuing to work at Wallace until the end of the month. I thought it would be nice to not have to say goodbye to everything all at once - first the roommates, then the coworkers - but I may have been wrong. It is strange to not be able to share the nuances of my day at work with Gretchen, Renata, Sinclair, Tomás, and Justin. It kinda feels like its just drawing out my ability to process and bring closure to this year. As I train the new JV I am slowly removing myself from my attachment to Wallace - which is sad in a way.

And I thought I would be able to enjoy all the things I love about Portland, but have discovered that the city is only as wonderful as the people you have to experience it with. I spent endless weekends walking down Hawthorne with my ladies. Or escaping on NW 23rd. Or simply admiring the adorable houses and coveting other people's porches. Its not the same without them. I'd rather hide in my attack room, or distract myself by perusing the internet for houses in Seattle at a coffee shop.

So I am an Former Jesuit Volunteer in a strange limbo. I am just trying to hang in for another week and half before I can move on, get to Seattle, and start my next adventure.