Future Plans Update

It's that time of year. The time of year when JV's are hearing back from grad schools, applying for second years of service, and trying to figure out where we'll end up in a few months. Granted we have about 4.5 months left to continue growing with our communities, live more simply, fight for justice and explore our spirituality - but we can't help but think about what happens in August.

For me, I have already applied, interviewed and been accepted for a second year of JVC - but I turned it down. With Med school applications and interviews, trying to maintain the relationships I already hold dear, and no really wanting to spend another year in the Convent that is my home (it's not that bad, but just not too homey), I couldn't commit to being a part of the next JVC community in Gresham. I will miss Wallace Medical, and they will miss me, but hopefully it's a "see you later" not a "goodbye." I've still got 4 months....

So, I'm heading back to Seattle! Right this very second I am applying to AmeriCorps positions in Seattle at with Sea Mar clinic and social services for primarily latino immigrants. I might be a bilingual Doula (birth coach), or help patients navigate the health care system, or work in patient education. If that falls through... perhaps a job and a few months spent traveling/volunteering in Latin America. I am also currently working my way through the MSAR (Medical School Admissions Requirements) trying to pick out where I want to go to med school... and that application will dominate my life shortly.

Anywho... a little update on my life plans.

Social Justice makes my head hurt...

So I've had some pretty awesome opportunities of late to educate myself on different justice issues, which is GREAT yet overwhelming. Here's what's been on my mind the past week:

Food Justice:

I lead community night last week and decided to have all my roommates watch Food Inc., followed by a discussion of how we can buy better food. This movie is SO GOOD! Granted I am thoroughly disgusted with the American food industry, but I feel so much more enlightened and educated about what I am putting into my body - and what I want to stop putting in my body. I was already interested in food justice; I like supporting local and organic products and I have mixed feelings about GMO's, but for the sake of buying the most with our money, we haven't really payed attention to that this year. I also shared an article about the external costs of cheap food. This is one way where you can really vote with you dollar and affect a positive change for worker's rights, environmental health, animal rights, and our own personal health.

NW Environmental Health Conference 2010:

I received an e-mail at work about this conference and immediately asked my supervisor if I could go and represent Wallace. It was a day long conference for health care providers, non-profit organizations and advocates in the Portland area to discuss the state of environmental health and how it affects on health in our area (hosted by the OHSU School of Nursing). I spent the day listening to doctors (most belonging to Physicians for Social Responsibility), nurses (most with PhD's), researchers, public health advocates and naturopaths speak on a variety of topics including: Global Warming, the effects of built environment vs. natural environment, projects with immigrant populations to reduce household contaminants, and how to incorporate environmentalism into your practice. I don't quite know why I hadn't drawn the connection between environmental and health advocacy - but it makes so much sense! We are essentially killing ourselves the more and more we kill our environment. I am inspired to make a difference.

Changing needs at Work:

I spent all day yesterday having the same conversation over and over again in the office. The line out our door is getting longer, the people are more upset and desperate, and their problems are more complicated. We can usually see about 20 patients a night, but we are now turning away just as many. One of the doctors on Monday night comment about how our capacity to treat patients will be lower as we continue to see more people with Diabetes and Hypertension along with a laundry list of other issues. It is time consuming and work intensive. So what do we do? We can't just be a portal for referrals. Primary care referrals are a great asset, but not an obligation - and if we start handing them out like candy, our resources will be tapped out. So do we stick to basic urgent care or expand our scope to fit the needs of our community? Do we do appointments and stop being the only clinic in east county with same-day provider visits? My head hurts....

In Summary

Everything is connected: eat local and by organic, ride a bike, plant a tree, lobby for better healthcare!

Reflection on the Four Values

Here is the second essay I wrote for the 2nd year application. It is a reflection on the four values: Simplicity, Social Justice, Spirituality, and Community.

Before my JV year started, I thought the four values were somewhat arbitrary. As I have grown to understand them I recognize how essential simplicity, spirituality, social justice and community are to living a full and meaningful life.

I have been challenged this year to think about simplicity in many different ways: simplicity of time, simplicity in terms of technology, and ecological simplicity. Discovering what is life-giving in terms of simplicity of time has been difficult. To some of my housemates, it meant not rushing, being patient, not filling your day with things; but I am a person that is driven by an agenda. I appreciate lazy days, but also have a need to achieve and am a much happier and healthier person when active. Technologically, I still struggle with wanting to be on my computer and seeking out Internet, but I have discovered the joy in freedom from my cell phone. I am more present to the people and experiences around me when I’m not concerned about my next text message of phone call. Environmental simplicity has been interesting. I have always had a car and never had a need or desire to use public transportation. But after six months of being in Portland, I am finally pushing myself. It is so easy and simple to get in my car, turn the key, and be on my way whenever and wherever I want to go. But I’ve started to take the Max to church on Sunday mornings, and take the bus into Portland when I need an escape from Gresham. I am slowly alleviating my anxiety on public transit and it creates a peaceful sense of freedom and exploration allowing me to find joy in this city.

My placement is phenomenal. I can say with complete confidence that I will be a better doctor because of my work with the Wallace Medical Concern this year. Learning the social work model of care – giving people their options and letting them decide for themselves what they do with their heath – is so much more empowering than a medical model that dictates medical choices in order to move people a long more quickly. Especially being a part of our Latino Patient Advisory Council, I’ve realized the importance of listening and giving people a chance to be heard. Additionally, it has been made very clear what a huge gift it is to be bilingual and bicultural. I am not quite either, but it is now a goal of mine to work towards that.

In regards to spirituality, I did not understand just how “Catholic” the Jesuit Volunteer Corps was and how much of a challenge that would be for me this year. Growing up Presbyterian and attending a Presbyterian university, I had a fairly solid Christian faith foundation coming into the program, but have been challenged by my own prejudices of Catholicism as well as battling with the division of the church. My education was seemingly ecumenical, so the separation of my own faith from that of my housemates – due to the culture of the Catholic Church or some traditional Catholic views – has been difficult. But these challenges have allowed me to identify and think critically about my frustrations with Catholicism. I am finding language that is inclusive of the whole Christian community, and the greater community, keeping in mind the oppression that can be inherent in religion.

I am grateful for the way that living in intentional community encourages me to live the lifestyle I want to live. To be able to save money on food, or put more money towards local and organic products because we share a budget, and to come home to people who want to talk about our joys and struggles with this program is immensely life giving. But it is not without its challenges. Living with five strangers in a new city and having these strangers comprise your support group throughout this year puts a lot of pressure on relationships. Discovering just how different you can all be creates a lot of tension. But I am learning to simply exist and grow in that tension. I have had some of the most hilarious, encouraging, and insightful moments with my housemates, but I have been uncomfortable, angry and sad as well. By living in this tension, I can now recognize my own needs and communications styles better, and am growing more compassionate and loving toward people that are different from me.

JVC times two?

So my mind has been occupied the last few weeks entertaining the thought of doing a second year of JVC. In terms of job security and continuing to do the work I love to do, JVC would be a great option. Though socially, for the sake of family and friendships that I already have, I'd rather be in Seattle. So keep me in your thoughts and prayers that I might get some more clarity in the next few weeks. I have my interview tomorrow and if I'm accepted I will have two weeks to decide. It's all coming up rather quickly, so I'm a little freaked out. In the mean time, I wanted to share my 2nd year application essays to shed some more light on my experience of this year. Here's the first one:

There is a language and a culture that belongs to Jesuit Volunteers that has helped give a voice to my personal values and ideals. Intentionality, community, peace and justice are becoming concepts that motivate my thoughts and actions. Compassion has always been a part of who I am. I am one who wants to experience the love of Christ, and live my life in a way that is true to that love – to be a glimpse of that love for everyone I interact with. JVC has helped me to do that. I am a person who has lived a life of privilege, of good health, of ample resources, and who is determined that because of this I have a responsibility to empower others and ensure that others have the chance to live with these as well.

As a JV, the way in which we live, serve and support each other have given me the opportunity to further develop my values and understand what it means to live them out. Conversations with my community, our struggles to love each other, the shock of my patient’s stories, and pushing myself to think about my impact not only on the people on this earth, but the earth itself have created some substantial growing pains. It is difficult to realize that I’m wrong. It is scary to recognize my faults and judgments. But it is the starting place of personal growth.

I am growing in many ways. I have tasted what it is to truly be hands and feet on the front lines for justice. I have been called out and challenged on the way that I express myself. I have realized how pervasive and debilitating domestic violence is, and how dehumanizing it is to have to stand in a line outside in the cold just to see a doctor. I have a whirlwind of questions spinning around in my head and six months is not enough time to sort it all out. My whole life may not be enough, but I desire to continue my development with a community that will keep challenging and supporting me. I crave an environment that will delve deeper into the JVC values. I have been exposed to new thoughts on social justice, community, simplicity, and spirituality and I want to continue to explore them with JVs that I can learn with; people who desire to better this world and listen to those who are hard to hear beneath the hum of the majority.

I am slightly anxious about a second year of JVC and have a lot of questions. Will my new housemates be as amazing as this year’s? Will they be outgoing and willing to adventure in the city and in nature? Can I handle living in the same house again? Will I be the controlling second year who knows how to do everything and wants to enforce my own ideas? Am I avoiding something? Will I miss out on another year of the lives of my friends and family outside JVC? I recognize that it will be a difficult process. It’s not as if I feel like I need a re-do. I have had an amazing first year and feel like I’ve only begun to tap into my life force. I simply yearn for more.

I have great aspirations for the year to come. I hope to give more stability to my agency and to further my empathy and compassion for the patients we serve. Wallace is about to go through a multitude of important changes. They are expanding services by adding a mobile clinic, hiring a doctor, and having to move to a new office space by January 2011. Though our houses are designed to be our intentional community, my office has become that for me as well. I am invested in my relationships with my co-workers, and fall more in love with Wallace’s mission every day. To have to train a new JV is very possible, but would be difficult in the midst of the new changes coming on. Maintaining continuity of care is important, and I don’t want the care of our patients to falter as the organization continues to change and grow.

Though my passion for my job and the work I do there is a major motivation for me to apply for a second year, I also hope to turn the idea of living in an intentional community into a true lifestyle, to decrease my carbon footprint, and to really appreciate the people and places within the city I live in. I want to further explore what simplicity means and to push myself to live a life that is more ecologically sustainable. I want to think critically about the sources of injustice in this world and how I can make a difference in the lives of people who experience injustice. I hope that a second year will help me become a strong advocate for peace and justice and a world that struggles to see the value in that.