Simply Living

June: Changed for the Better

2011-07-28T22:58:00.001-07:00

As the year comes to and end, I’m starting to process what I will take away from this experience. One of the most valuable parts of this program is my team. Partly because we support each other as we learn and grow and struggle; trying to understand the role of a community health center, how to provide quality care, and define what “quality care” really means. But also for the amazing experiences and interests we are able to share with each other as our relationships have developed, as well as learning from each other in the more formal setting of member lead trainings and individual service projects.

I thought this year would simply be a continuation of what I had done previously – working in community health serving the Latino population. But this year I have developed a much greater understanding of the bigger issues, how those are manifested on an individual scale, and I have grown in compassion towards populations I had previously harbored prejudice towards or simply did not recognize, and can now validate the struggles different populations endure.

Member lead trainings on LGBT health disparities made me realize how uncomfortable and unwelcoming something as seemingly small as the way bathrooms are set up in clinics can be, and how simple changes can break down this barrier. It also made me think hard about the needs of this community as it ages and finding safe and appropriate facilities to care for their health. The mental health training made me recognize my own misunderstandings around mental health issues , and tendency to see the disease, and not the person. Another member’s discussion of her time with the People’s Harm Reduction Alliance and the challenges and condescension IV drug users encounter in the medical system made me want my practice to be a safe place for people to receive the medical attention they need and be treated with dignity and respect.

This experience has not just been my own. My time in clinic has helped me value one-on-one interactions and the importance of listening, and my outreach work has awoken my passion for teaching, but the stories of my teammates have made this year that much richer and that much deeper than I ever could have anticipated. I have allowed myself to be challenged and to grow with the support of those around me and I am coming out a more aware and compassionate person on the other end. I am immensely grateful for the people who chose to challenge themselves this year, and walk with me through our struggles to not just serve those in need, but to make greater changes so that those services aren't a necessary fabric of society.

May: Early Disadvantage

2011-07-28T22:57:00.001-07:00

Among the various and invaluable services Sea Mar offers are yearly physicals for high school students of migrant families. As part of the outreach team, I went and gave presentations during the Proyecto Saber class while students were pulled for exams. This class in and of itself is a pretty upstream model of education. It provides support for minority students especially in a predominantly white high school, and is also a way for these students get credit retrieval for classes they may have failed and receive enough credits to successfully graduate. Additionally, it offers an opportunity for students to learn more about their native culture. It places value on where these students have come from in a way that is lacking in today’s public school curriculum.

Our outreach team gave each class an option of what topic they wanted to learn about – chronic diseases, nutrition, mental health, tobacco, or sexually transmitted diseases. Each class period felt more like a conversation with peers than a presentation and reminded me that I am not as far removed from my own high school experience as I may have thought. It also made me recognize a little of my own ageist tendencies. These kids are smart! And many of them have experienced more in their 16 years than I have in my 23.

I had one conversation in particular with a student who made me realize how difficult being a teen can be, especially in a migrant family. The icebreaker for the mental heath presentation requires that everyone to share something that causes them stress. This droopy eyed student shared that family problems on top of balancing work and school were stressful. After the presentation he came up to me, asking about the consequences of drinking a lot of energy drinks. As we talked about sugar content, and the trouble with using energy drinks as a supplement or actual sleep, he revealed to me that his dad was recently injured and he was taking over his father’s night shift to support his family. He would go to work around 11pm, work all night long, come home at 7 or 7:30 and sleep for an hour or so, wake up and come to school. He was failing classes, having anger management issues, and only had one friend who helped keep him awake during class, but no one knew the whole story. “I’m a private person, I don’t want people to finding out about this and start talking about me” he told me, reminding me of how vicious rumors can spread in high school.

I talked with him about some of his options – make sure his teachers were on the same page and working with him to accommodate a schedule that allowed him to sleep and do school work, and to make sure to be in touch with the school counselor about his anxiety and anger issues. But I couldn’t help but feel slightly helpless. His family relied on him for survival. He was carrying way more responsibility at 17 than I ever have. And there wasn’t really any way around it. Who else could work? Who could take care of his siblings if his parents were to take a different job? How else could they make money? Who was going to pay the medical bills? These burdens were falling on his shoulders impacting his mental and physical health as well as his social health – the quality of his education and future prospects for job development and breaking the cycle of poverty his family is in.

I am grateful for Proyecto Saber that offers support, the free physicals that Sea Mar provides during school hours, and the school psychologist, but this student’s story exemplifies heartbreaking effects of social determinants of health that inhibit people from being truly and wholly healthy.

May: Culture Shock

2011-07-28T22:56:00.001-07:00

A Laotian man sat down at my desk yesterday seeking medication assistance. He is a refugee. He has been living in the United States for about a year, and three months ago "moved" to the South Park neighborhood. I say "moved" because he doesn't really have a home. He has no money and no house, just a friend who would let him stay on his couch, but occasionally will change his mind and throw him out.

He has no money and is trying to manage hypertension and cholesterol. Fortunately his medications are available on the $4 list for some generics, but he can't even afford that. He is plugged in with an Asian Resource Center, but he cannot find work until his health is better. He speaks in a hoarse whisper and doesn't know why he can't speak louder.

As we talked about his inconsistent housing situation, and difficult financial circumstances, he started to talk about life in the United States:

"I am a refugee form Laos. I love America. I am proud to be in America, But in America, you are all by yourself. At 18, you move out of your families house, you are expected to pay for things on your own. You are responsible for yourself. Its different here when you have to pay for things, how you have to pay for things, and who has to pay for them. I'm proud to be an American, but it is a hard life here."

This makes me call into question the individualistic nature of our American culture. We strive for independence from our families, from each other, to make our own story and our own lives. There is social support, but it is created by individuals or some families, not necessarily supported by our societal or governmental structure. Social support and a willingness to help people outside of yourself are values that can be easily lost.

Hearing the story of someone who is deeply struggling to get by shows me how painful this isolation and individualism can be. It helps me better understand the value of community - how it can provide not just social support but can be a tangible resource, a source of sanity, and a vehicle for positive change that everyone deserves be a part of.

April: Community Through Soccer

2011-07-28T22:55:00.001-07:00

The charter of the first Community Health Center describes its purpose as serving the not just the medical, dental, and mental health care needs, but providing the social support specific to the needs the community to which it belongs. It is a beautiful model of holistic care that considers not just the individual, but the neighborhood, environment, and society the belong to. Sea Mar has done a great job of doing so in the various communities it is a part of and the many varied services we offer. But I would not have guessed that a soccer team would be considered one of those many services we provide.

Sea Mar's U8 (mostly second grade) soccer team is about to wrap up its first-ever season. The team was birthed from the Childhood Obesity Interest Group and our frustration with the lack of access of low income communities to organized sports. But the goal was not just to make kids run around to shed some pounds. A sports team is more than just physical activity. A sports team helps instill a sense of belonging, teamwork, and personal responsibility. As a coach, I have the opportunity to build relationships with these budding athletes and can help instill in them a value of active living, teaching them responsibility, conflict resolution and how to listen.

This team is not only a positive force for the team members, but also their families. Many parents are getting outside and being active along with their kids. Three Latina mothers have started walking laps around the field together as they watch their kids practice. On game days, we see parents bringing out video cameras and cheering for their child’s team. Families are also learning the value of active living, and are able to support their children and share in this part of their development.

Hopefully these values will continue to grow with the support of the community, and these families will help make this soccer team a sustainable project that can continue to benefiting our South Park neighborhood.

March: More Positivity than I Could Muster

2011-07-28T22:54:00.000-07:00

I tend to think of myself as a pretty joyful and optimistic person, but if I had to deal with the mountain of challenges my patients face daily to be healthy, find food, buy medication, and pay rent and bills while unemployed or underemployed - I'm not sure I could maintain my optimism.

The Basic Health plan of Washington state was severely affected by the state budget deficit. More and more patients have been coming to me for help finding affordable medications because they were dropped from Basic Health and can no longer have prescription coverage. As I worked with Diabetic patient and her doctor to find programs that would help her get her insulin, she expressed immense gratitude for the work I was doing on her behalf. She shared that she knew her situation was hard. She has a innumerable worries and challenges. In her own home she lets herself get down about these things and feel the weight of her burdens, but as soon as she steps out her front door she puts on a smile. She has seen how people can carry their negativity and hardships into their interactions with others - being snappy or reclusive - and she won't let herself do that. She knows that life is hard, but she will try and move forward. She will treat people with kindness despite how tired or worried she is.

"Negativity won't get you anywhere. You have to smile." She said.

She inspires me to put my own challenges in perspective, and start each day with a smile.

February: Graduation

2011-07-28T22:53:00.000-07:00

My first patient graduated from the Hypertension Case Management program! This program is set up so that patients can take their blood pressure regularly, and try start to seeing relationships between their exercise, stress level, what they eat and drink and how it has an effect on their blood pressure. Simultaneously we set goals together and I call monthly to follow up.

Mariposa has lowered her blood pressure significantly, and has been able to maintain a healthy 123/80 for a few months now. I've discussed with her in previous follow ups that it was time to start thinking about exiting the program. This would mean that she would need to return the loaned blood pressure cuff to clinic. Though possible, she asked that I give her more warning before she exited so that she could save up for a few months in order to buy her own blood pressure monitor. Her doctor had told her to check her pressure every day. Her heart is her life and she wants to take care of it. She was proud of her progress and insistent on still being able to take her blood pressure so that she could keep it in control and stay healthy. I asked my supervisor if we could make an exception for Mariposa. She couldn't really afford a blood pressure monitor, but was willing to try and make this financial sacrifice in order to take care of her health. Inspired by her motivation, I was allowed to let her keep the monitor. When I called Mariposa to let her know that I would no longer be making follow up calls, but she was able to keep her monitor - with the one condition that she must return it if she ever stops using it - she was immensely grateful and assured me that the monitor would continue to be put to good use.

People no longer will no longer "exit" the Hypertension Case Management Program as I had previously thought. They will "graduate" having learned the value of taking care of your heart.

February: "Quiero compartir una estadistica contigo"

2011-07-27T10:09:00.000-07:00

"I'd like to share a statistic with you" Is frequently the introduction to many of the outreach team's presentations. "Immigrants arrive in the United States with the best health in the nation, but in just 5 years, they come to have the poorest health in the nation. How could that be?"

I sat down with a patient today to talk about participating in our upcoming diabetes group classes entitled Tomando Control de su Diabetes, or Taking Control of your Diabetes. During our conversation, It became clear that diabetes was the least of her struggles. She was nervous of finding the location - which is two blocks from our clinic. She told me about a time when she had an appoinment in a new clinic and would wander the same city blocks over and over looking for the building, scared to stop. Nervous and frustrated, she eventually took a turn off the main road and hunched down in the ally way and sobbed. She would hear people approach and be overcome with fear that they would harm her. All she could do was pray. Pray and cry. Eventually she calmed her self and just went home. But now she only goes to the places she already knows, using bus routs she is familiar with, and will spend hours in our clinic trying to get all of her needs so she doesn't need to go elsewhere. To try and make it to the Diabetes group visits was too much to handle.

The anxiety and fear of living in a new and foreign place is overwhelming. Leaving her home out of financial necessity to live in a place that has no feeling of home or community has allowed terror to permeated her life. It has worsened her physical an mental health and stunted her social interactions. Its no wonder that immigrants, who may have come to the US happy and healthy, are stripped of their health within only a few years.

December: The Power of Laughter

2011-07-27T09:19:00.000-07:00

Sexual Health, albeit important, is not the easiest thing to talk about. Especially with a room full people who don’t know each other, aren't familiar you, and come from a culture that historically doesn't talk very openly about this subject. This made our health outreach team more than a little apprehensive about giving the presentation that the Mexican Consulate staff specifically asked us to give on Sexual Health around the holidays. We were very mindful about the how we presented this information and trying to create a light hearted and open environment so that people would be comfortable and receptive to the information we presented.

We started with an ice breaker: We handed out cups filled with little pieces of paper - mostly white, but a few cups were full of yellow, red, or orange paper - and had everyone stand up. The group was asked to talk with at least three other people and ask a simple question: "What's your name?" "Where are you from?" "How long did you have to travel to get to the consulate today?" As each questions was asked, the pair exchanged a bit of paper from each of their cups. The outreach team participated to try and break down the barriers between the three "Gringas" presenting and the other participants. Once we explained that this was a model of the transmission of sexually transmitted infections, the room erupted with laughter and pointing of fingers, a few red faces, and a lot of surprise - mostly for us who were not expecting the metaphor to be so well received. We asked how people felt who had started with only white paper and then by the end had a mixture of colors - indicating they had received an STI, as well as those who had started with colored paper (STIs) and didn't know they'd had an infection. The participants openly talked about their feelings of dissapointment and being tricked.

After allowing everyone to laugh and relax, the group was primed to pay attention to the information we had to offer. When our presentations were done and the team was packing up, the consulate staff said they'd never heard so much laughter and participation during a presentation about STIs. Our team really had a way with breaking down barriers and helping people be involved in the learning and teaching process. This was not only a testament to our enthusiasm as presenters, but to the people we are presenting to. They key is being able to connect. Something about our outgoing demeanor and smiling faces made the participants more comfortable. Taking any opportunity to make them laugh and let them breath a little easier made them much more receptive to the information we had to offer, and hopefully made them think seriously about their personal sexual health. Healthier individuals make a healthier community, and a little laughter can go a long way in helping that happen.

December: Face to Face

2011-07-27T09:12:00.000-07:00

It is not always easy to connect with the patients participating in my hypertension case management project. I am supposed to call with patients who have been lent home blood pressure monitors each month to follow-up on their blood pressure readings and self management goals. Surprisingly I have a found that more than a few of the nine patients participating prefer to make the extra trip into clinic and do our check-in face to face. I had been playing phone tag with one patient in particular for a few weeks. He happened to come into clinic one day for a follow up with his primary care doctor, and wandered up to my desk as he was waiting to be registered. “Are you Erin?” he asked tentatively. Recognizing his voice form our previous phone conversations I said “Why yes I am, and you must be Ron.* Its so nice to put a face to a name.” He was just as pleased to match a face to the voice that left him messages each month. I asked if he had time to check in after his appointment with the doctor, and he returned a while later ready to talk. He had a complicated medical case and was not keeping good track of his hypertension due to other worries and problems. Throughout our conversation I tried hard to pick out the things he was really concerned about that may be a good place to start. He was not really willing to pick one goal to work on, but was recognizing that there were many things that could change. I empathized with his complicated situation and encouraging him to take things one step at a time. We were able to make one goal that he would be willing to revisit when we checked in January after he’d had some testing done for his other health concerns. We had a wonderful conversation and he felt very comfortable sharing his worries with me. I knew he would respond well with a little more encouragement and could handle a little more push to make some small lifestyle changes the next time we talked. As he stood up to leave my desk, we talked about our next check in. He said “you know, I’d really prefer to come in and talk with you in person if that’s possible. It really was a pleasure meeting you.” I guess a little personal connection can go a long way.

*Name changed to protect patient confidentiality

November: Patient Advocacy

2011-07-27T08:28:00.000-07:00

My identity as a patient advocate and future physician go hand in hand, but I have had some interactions with doctors in my clinic that contradict that ideal.

A patient came in needing help with Labor and Industry paperwork that required a letter from the doctor stating her treatment plan in order for her to continue getting her payments. The paperwork had been faxed to the provider a week or so previously and the patient asked the doctor about it during her visit, but she was sent to the "social worker" to have this paperwork filled out. The paperwork explicitly required information directly from the doctor, and was not information that any other clinic staff could fill out. The patient was very distressed. She was frustrated with the quality of care she was receiving as well as very concerned about being able to pay her bills.

As I worked with medical assistant to make sure the doctor wrote the letter, she explained that he often tries to have other clinic staff do this kind of work. He doesn't like to be bogged down with paperwork and simply passes it off. How frustrating that a physician who's entire job is to care for his patients would stop so short of providing complete and quality care!

I expected to be allies with providers to make sure patients had everything they needed. I did not expect to have to advocate for my patients so much within my own clinic.

November - Pride: one of the few things left to hold onto

2011-07-19T11:42:00.000-07:00

One patient who I see on a regular basis has really made Sea Mar his home. This is in part because he has been coming here so long that the clinic staff treats him more like that quirky uncle than a patient, and in part because he is homeless and really has no place else to go in South Park. I am like the gatekeeper of his home. He will walk in the door, raise a hand and shout "How's it goin, Miss Erin?" then continue forward seating himself in the chair in front of my desk and hand over one of the many tattered business cards of social support services that are the thread holding the remaining fabric of his life together.

His situation broke my heart a little further right before Thanksgiving. As temperatures dropped, he came in each day with a new layer of clothes and with a little less excitement in his greeting. His usual smile started to droop and the glimmer in eye grew dimmer and dimmer. I searched for housing downtown, but without a guarantee that he would have a place to sleep, he didn't want to make the trek to the city.

One day it was finally dropping below zero and emergency shelters in the city center were opening up. I urged him to go to City Hall, but he pushed back, not wanting to have to wait in line for hours just to be kicked out early in the morning. "But it's a warm bed" I pleaded with him. He replied "Its not a bed. Its a cot on the floor." I had no response. He was desperately trying to hang onto his last shreds of dignity. He would rather sleep with blankets under the bridge than wait in line to be packed into a dirty, smelly room with other people without homes hoping for a few hours of warmth on the City Hall floor.

There was nothing I could say to convince him to go. I can make the resources known, but protecting your pride when you have nothing else is sometimes a bigger priority.

October - First Presentation at the Consulate

2011-07-12T09:45:00.000-07:00

We were full of nerves and excitement at our first presentation at the Mexican Consulate. The Health Education team nervously practiced our parts in Spanish, hoping to sound natural and fluid as we tried to get the important information we wanted to share across to the room of people anxiously waiting for their documents.

There were a few bumps in the road as other groups showed up scheduled to present, but we rolled with the punches and waited our turn. Finally it was time to go. The audience started out fairly quiet and hesitant o participate, with the exception of one woman. She sat in the front row with her husband with her eyes wide and eager to contribute to the conversation about Diabetes, Hypertension and High Blood Pressure. She was the first to volunteer when we offered free testing for those three conditions with our nurse. On the other hand, there was a man who sat in the back with a sly smile who just kept quiet, not quite buying what we were talking about. Throughout the presentation, he became a little more vocal. He asked questions, participated in a demonstration, but still did not want to get tested. As our Diabetic Educator spoke about Diabetes, our Champion poked her bright eyes around the corner of the testing room and displayed her bandaged finger for all to see, proud of getting her blood sugar checked and encouraging others to do the same.

As the discussion wound down, and we asked the last time for people interested in getting their blood sugar, blood pressure, and cholesterol checked, our quiet friend and his sly smile reluctantly shook his head and raised his hand. Empowered not only by the knowledge we imparted, but by the actions and advocacy of his peers, he checked his sugar, which was high, and was referred to out clinic for follow up - something so simple that will help him live a longer and healthier life.

October - Hypertension Case Management

2011-07-05T13:48:00.000-07:00

Today I enrolled my first patient in our hypertension case management pilot program.

As she sat down at my desk, wide-eyed and overwhelmed by her disease, I could see her pressure rising along with her anxiety. She recently buried her son, and has had over 5 family members die due to high blood pressure. I asked what she knew about the disease, and she said not much. She was told she had it about 6 years ago, but felt fine so didn't worry about it. I could see her putting pieces together as I gave simple explanation of what blood pressure is, and what having high blood pressure for a long time can do to your body. As she began to comprehend the risks of uncontrolled high blood pressure, she was more and more willing to take charge of her disease. With the support of her daughter she was ready to make a change. When I asked about what has inspired her to change and how I could best support her, the tears started to well up in her eyes. Still struggling with the recent death of her son, and the social isolation of living with an absent niece, she was grateful just to have someone who would walk with her through her struggle to survive this disease. With support and knowledge she was encouraged and empowered to manage her blood pressure. The silent yet heartfelt thank you spoken through tear-filled eyes reminds me why I have chosen to serve others and inspires me to continue to walk along side my patients in their struggles to lead healthy lives.

Another Year Gone

2011-07-05T11:28:00.001-07:00

My year of service with AmeriCorps/HealthCorps is almost over and I haven't written a word since orientation last September... WOOPSIES!

This year has been full of growth to say the least, and I truly do want to share my journey with you all. As I start to get everything ready for the new Patient Navigator in my last four weeks with Sea Mar Community Health Centers, I'm starting to reflect on what this year has meant to me and what I will take away from this experience.

But before I process too much, I wanted to share some of the things I've done. Throughout the year we are required to report "Great Stories" each month showing the work we've done and what we've learned. These are ultimately used as a promotional tool for our program, but as I weed through them I thought I'd post a few so people can have a better sense of the things I've done this year.

So keep your eye out - the next few posts will be a few of my "Great Stories" from this year.

Enjoy!

Solidarity or Self Care

2010-09-08T21:18:00.000-07:00

So as I finally get settled in Seattle and am starting my Orientation for AmeriCorp, I find myself in a quandary.

One of the important aspects of JVC is living in the community in which you serve. All year I walked less than a mile from my home to work. I was able to limit my car usage with my human-powered transportation and lived within a few miles of where the majority of our patients lived. My roommates and I did participated in some "escapism" every now and again in the nicer neighborhoods of Portland either taking a stroll down NW 23rd street or simply admiring the adorable houses and porches in the South East neighborhoods. But solidarity - and figuring out what that really meant - was important.

Now I find myself living in the North end of the University District - butting right up against Ravenna and Greenlake - a pretty "Yuppie" area as my roommate Nick, a Former Jesuit Volunteer like myself, likes to point out. I've always wanted to live in this area. I love that Greenlake is less than a mile away - perfect for an after work run. I'm three blocks from my favorite vegetarian restaurant. Going for a walk around the neighborhood there are restaurants representing over 10 different ethnic groups. I brag about the area's 96% walkability score - the library, groceries, bars, restaurants, coffee shops, and shopping are all within walking distance.

But then I take my 20 minute drive on I-5 to South Park (A South Seattle neighborhood between the industrial area and boeing field) and feel guilty...

After two days of orientation I've learned how much Sea Mar community health clinics have poured into this neighborhood. It is incredibly diverse - way more so than North Seattle. It reminds me a lot of Gresham. Its where a lot of the minorities have been pushed out to because of the gentrification of other Seattle neighborhoods. But there is so much joy and community organizing going on. I feel like there is a real desire for change so many efforts to engage the community in celebrations like Fiestas Patrias, helping the local organic farm that supports the local food bank, and gatherings to save the South Park Bridge. Because the need is so visible, the opportunity for change seems more tangible.

I wanted to be happy and comfortable in my home and enjoy being close to friends. Outside of my housemates, living in Gresham was not necessarily where I wanted to spend my time. But now I wish I could really be a part of the community I'm going to serve. North Seattle is far away - physically and in philosophy/perspective.

I hope I can bring a little bit of South Park home with me this year.

Done

2010-08-27T01:33:00.000-07:00

I'm doing well. I'm ready to move on. And I finally get to. I just got back from my last downtown clinic. It was long and tedious with high maintenance physicians and a hell of a lot of patients demanding my time and energy. I was worn down and ready to leave once it was all over - which is a good thing. I am ready to leave. We went out to Kell's downtown to celebrate afterwards - my boss and the new JV, and 3 of the intake volunteers I've gotten to know over the past year. We ate lots of food, drank good beer, shared stories and laughed a lot.

I'm happy.
I'm scared.
Scared of what Seattle brings. Scared of finding housing. Scared of not having friends or not seeing the friends that I think I have as much as I plan to right now. Scared of figuring out a new routine.

But it's time. And its been a long time coming - four weeks to be exact.

Its a long time to live in a strange limbo, not able to able to move on, and not yet letting go.

But now I can move forward.

Onto the next adventure...

What I've Learned at Wallace

2010-08-23T16:11:00.000-07:00

* I shared this with my co-workers at my final All Staff meeting today through tear filled eyes. It is a mixture of my personal statement and some secondaries I've written for Medical School applications. Wallace has been a very special place and helped me grow in ways I did not expect to grow this year. I am so grateful that I was able to be a part of the Wallace family.

A key requirement of a physician is the ability to connect with a diverse patient population. It is not enough to be intelligent and competent; when a patient is not comfortable with their physician, it can be a serious barrier to care.

During college, I visited nine countries spanning four continents and interacted with many different peoples and cultures. Yet I grew the most in my ability to connect with people with experiences very different from mine in my own back yard. I worked with the uninsured and low-income population during my year of service with the Wallace Medical Concern. One patient came in needing a referral to general surgery. He was recently released from his second incarceration, wore baggy pants, an oversized t-shirt, had long hair slicked back into a ponytail and tattoos from his ankles to his neck. He was looking for a job, but could only find work doing manual labor because of his appearance. With a hernia this was impossible. As we looked for a clinic to manage his hypertension so he could qualify for surgery, he avoided certain areas of town so he wouldn’t fall back into selling drugs. He was compliant and grateful. I was proud to be a partner in his journey to turning his life around.

This year I have served businessmen who all of a sudden found themselves sleeping in their car, sexual minorities fleeing unwelcome homes, and people experiencing homelessness because of mental illness. By maintaining professionalism and providing compassionate care to everyone who walks through our doors, we are able to preserve dignity and show the respect to those typically marginalized in society.

Serving as a Referral Coordinator has taught me other vital aspects of health care—namely the power of listening to patients, the value of collaboration, and the importance of patient education. I discovered that patients were eager to talk to me because there were so few people that would listen. Through their stories of financial struggles and mental health issues, I saw how the practice of medicine has to provide care to the whole person, the physical as well as the psychological and social. I realized that it is more effective to advocate for patients by collaborating with other community health clinics and tapping into community resources that help provide integrated health care. Also surprising is the lack of knowledge our patients have about basic health, self-care, and the health care system. Hearing their stories and talking with them, I have had the opportunity to educate patients on the importance of primary care and how that can help alleviate excessive emergency room visits and unnecessary financial burden on low-income families.

I truly believe I will be a better doctor because of my experience at the Wallace Medical Concern. It has helped me put my ideals into practice. Serving the poor and uninsured sounds like a noble goal, but to sit in a room with a woman in tears because of excruciating back pain and possible cancer having no where to send her is a humbling experience. The struggles of my patients became more real to me this year than I could have imagined. Health truly is a gift that can offer hope in times of hardship.

My experience at Wallace has helped me realize that serving the health care needs of underserved communities is driving my career ambition. I will educate patients on preventative measures that can improve quality of life and reduce costs for individuals and organizations. I will work to break down barriers in the public institutions that inhibit human dignity and the basic human right to health. I desire to serve the underserved and vulnerable, and provide for them comprehensive and compassionate health care. I can best serve these communities as a physician.

Former Jesuit Volunteer

2010-08-02T08:46:00.000-07:00

FJV. I am officially a Former, no longer Current, Jesuit Volunteer. In the last two weeks I have said tearful goodbyes to the people who have been a part of my every day life for the past 365 days, moved out of my convent-turned home, moved into an attack room of my coworker's house and her family of four, supported my friends doing a second year of JVC by going to orientation, tried unsuccessfully to connect with new JVs, and cried a lot. Those who know me best know I don't deal so well with transition and change. The change is hardest when it something you wouldn't necessarily chose for yourself. I don't want move away and no longer see these people every day - but that is just how it goes. Out time is up.

I don't necessarily want to keep on being a Jesuit Volunteer, I feel like my experience has been complete. But I am mourning the absence of friends and living in an intentional community. And I am continuing to work at Wallace until the end of the month. I thought it would be nice to not have to say goodbye to everything all at once - first the roommates, then the coworkers - but I may have been wrong. It is strange to not be able to share the nuances of my day at work with Gretchen, Renata, Sinclair, Tomás, and Justin. It kinda feels like its just drawing out my ability to process and bring closure to this year. As I train the new JV I am slowly removing myself from my attachment to Wallace - which is sad in a way.

And I thought I would be able to enjoy all the things I love about Portland, but have discovered that the city is only as wonderful as the people you have to experience it with. I spent endless weekends walking down Hawthorne with my ladies. Or escaping on NW 23rd. Or simply admiring the adorable houses and coveting other people's porches. Its not the same without them. I'd rather hide in my attack room, or distract myself by perusing the internet for houses in Seattle at a coffee shop.

So I am an Former Jesuit Volunteer in a strange limbo. I am just trying to hang in for another week and half before I can move on, get to Seattle, and start my next adventure.

Perfect Summer Day

2010-07-26T22:36:00.000-07:00

Saturday was an amazing 90 degree summer day:

- I woke up in the morning and went for a run through one of my favorite trails up that climbs the Gresham Butte.

- Got coffee with a roommate for our Diad – a conversation to evaluate and reflect on our relationship this year as a closure activity. It could have been messy, was hard at times, but ended positively with laughter and constructive criticism.

- On our way home, we got veggies and fruit at the Gresham Famers Market. I also got Two Tamales for the price of one because the sweet Latina woman felt bad that they were out of the kind I wanted.

- I Started packing my stuff so that I’m not overwhelmed next weekend, and can savor time with my roommates.

- I finish my 8th secondary application for medical school and turned it in.

- The roommates and I met up with a few other JVs for Gourment Pizza and a seasonal microbrew in Norhtwest Portland

- After dinner I had the most delicious Stumptown Coffee and Cinemon gelato.

- We all wandered to a park and discovered a swing set. I haven’t laughed that hard in a long time. Swings are amazing.

- When we were done hanging out at the park, we headed home for G&T’s and good conversation.

Perfect.

"Dis-O: a JV vacation"

2010-07-26T22:11:00.000-07:00

For the national branch of JVC, Disorientation is its own retreat near the end of the year set up as a time for JVs to find closure to their year of service and living in community. For JVC Northwest, we plan our own Disorientations as individual communities. My Community decided to take advantage of this opportunity to do a “Tour of Oregon” savoring time spent with each other and seeing all the things we wanted to see in Oregon and never got a chance to.

In true Gresham style (we’re known for going all out – no short cuts in Gresham), Disorientation included taking two days off of work and driving over 600 miles as we circled the state of Oregon. We left Friday morning heading east through Mount Hood National Forest. We stopped in Bend for an amazing sit-down lunch at the Deschutes Brewery, taking advantage of the local fare on the community dime – the years almost over, and we’ve got money to spare. Then back to the cars to our destination for the night: Crater Lake. I’ve flown over “the big blue dot” before, but Tomas, Sinclair and I couldn’t contain our excitement when we first got a glimpse driving up to the rim road and just started screaming “AAAAAHHHHHH!”

We set up camp for the night, only to discover that this is peak mosquito season. Adequately lathered in repellent and layered in more clothes than the weather warranted, we spent as little time as possible outside the tent, just enough to grill up some hot dogs and brush our teeth.

In the morning we hiked Garfield Peak behind the Crater Lake Lodge to take in the full experience. Standing on a small snowfield at the summit, we could see Mt. Shasta, and The Sisters, and Three Finger Jack…. Beautiful.

After brief stop and the biggest single scoop of ice cream I’ve ever had in my life, we were in Ashland being treated to dinner by Renata’s old family friends. She hadn’t seen them in 15 years, yet they were probably the nicest, most welcoming and accommodating people I had met. The treated us to a gourmet meal and delicious micro brews at the brewery/restaurant they owned then gave us a tour of adorable little Ashland.

We spent the night at my college roommate’s family’s house in Medford nestled between pear orchards and wineries. This set a beautiful stage for some time we’d set aside to reflect on our year together on Sunday morning. In the afternoon we went to the resovoir – the first time I’ve swam in a body of water in over a year – back to Medford for an amazing steak dinner, and finally off to Ashland again to see Shakespear’s Henry the IVth.

Monday morning, after a breakfast of home made oatmeal waffles (Beth, you’re amazing), we packed up our things and headed back to Portland. A brief stop in Eugene for lunch, and to check out the U of O campus where Sinclair will be an AmeriCorps volunteer in August, and we were back home in Gresham.

Gresham knows how to go out in style. We were spoiled, we got tan, we saw beautiful things and spent time with beautiful people. I can only hope to half as hospitable as the families who hosted us.

Disoreitation? A JV vacation? Perhaps both.

The First Farewell

2010-07-05T13:29:00.000-07:00

My eyes are still drying. We'll see if I can get through this without crying.

This fourth of July was the last unofficial gathering of JVs. And an epic fourth of July weekend no doubt complete with soccer game, barbecuing, lounging in the yard, penny keg, and rooftop concert followed by the neighbor hood fireworks. The main party was Saturday night with a few goodbyes in the morning as Seattle JVs headed out, but mostly "see you later"'s to those who I'll see when I'm back north.

The Styrofoam Snowflakes - my band if you aren't familiar - held a Rihanna tribute concert on the Mac House roof on the 3rd. We ended with the a rousing version of "God Bless the USA" for the sake of patriotism, then our adoring fans shouted requests of their favorites from the year - like Beyonce's "If I were a Boy" and City High's "What Would You Do" and a finale of the crowd pleasing Ingrid Michaelson's "You and I' - Sean my band mate leaving me to sing alone in front of everyone before he chimed in at the chorus.

The really tough goodbye came on the night of the 4th. Sean left this morning - the 5th - at 7:30 AM, so in addition to enjoying the fireworks from the Mac House roof last night, it was Sean's last hurrah. Part way through the night he asked me to bring up my guitar. I brought it out and we headed to a corner for our last private jam session. We rocked out to Bruce Springsten's "Atlantic City" for the last time, the rhythm of the strumming and sean's soulful projection of the lyrics creating the music that bonded us in friendship. Then he gathered the group to finish our career in the spirit of the holiday with "God Bless the USA."

When it was time to go home, I waited to be the last to give Sean a hug. "It's been a good year. Go be a doctor." He says to me. "Go be a lawyer. You're great," I replied. "Back at ya." When we got in the car the mix of exhaustion and emotion was too much and I couldn't hold back the tears any more. I sat silently in the back seat as tears poured down my cheeks. Those tears came back as I pulled my guitar out its case this morning to put it away on its stand, and opened my computer to find the tabs of the songs we had performed this weekend.

Sean helped to bring me out of my shell. I never would have gotten up in front of people and performed on my own. He also was my inspiration to play my guitar as much as I have. But he was more than a band mate. He was a fierce friend - loyal and supportive. We had rousing conversations about religion and what a powerful force family is. We had a lot of fun together laughing and playing hard.

Sean had handed me with a bottle of Jameson Irish Whiskey, his favorite, earlier in the night with the note "Get 'em Snowflake. Thanks for the memories. - Sean 7/2010."

Thanks for the memories, Snowflake.

The end of July is going to be much harder than I thought.

A JV in Mexico City

2010-07-02T12:56:00.000-07:00

I guess it really pays to be bilingual.

If you didn't know already, I spent Sunday through Wednesday of this week at a conference in Mexico City. About two weeks ago, the Mexican consulate in Portland invited our clinic to partner with them as a Ventanilla de Salud, or "Health Station." Then then said, "Oh yeah, there's an informational meeting in Mexico City in a week, and we'll pay for someone from your office to go." Our van doc was the only person able to go, and she doesn't speak spanish well enough feel comfortable going alone. Therefore, I, the only other bilingual staff with a valid passport and open schedule, was chosen to go with her! Who'da thunk a non-profit would send their full time volunteer to Mexico??!?! I am one luck JV :)

Secretary of Health - Far Left

The conference was AMAZING! We spent Monday and Tuesday from 9-7 in a conference room in the Secretary of Foreign Affairs building with 60 other participants representing their consulate's Ventanilla, and about 15 government officials or employees of the Institute for Mexican's Abroad. The first day we had presentations from Mexico's Ambasador to the United States, and the Secratary of Health himself about the specific medical needs of the Mexican migrant population and the purpose of the Ventanillas de Salud as way for the Mexican government to care for their citizens abroad. 10% of the entire mexican population are migrants living in other countries. 12 million of those live in the US, 6.6 million of which are undocumented. Because the US federal government does not provide medical coverage for undocumented immigrants, (which the Secretary of Health said is a violation of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights - yikes!), the Mexican government is providing a way to keep its population healthy. Mexican migrants to the US leave a lifestyle where they eat fresh food, walk a lot, and have the support of friends and family, to go to a place where they eat cheap and bad food (or the US equivalent of what they had in Mexico which has a higher calorie and fat content), they are more sedentary and isolated and therefore have a much higher rate of diabetes, obesity, drug use, hypertension and depression than that of the Mexican and US populations.

Media for the Secretary of Health

Venanillas de Salud are partnerships of the Mexican Government (through the local consulate) with community organizations to provide heath information, education, and referral services to the Mexican migrant population. The "Fiscal Agency" receives money from the Mexican Government (not very much) to have a representative in the consulate, or have a "mobile consulate" that outreaches to rural agricultural communities, and offer these services. They want Ventanillas to offer information on pertinent health problems affecting migrant Mexicans, as well as information on insurance coverage options in the US and in Mexico. Mexico recently instituted "Seguro Público" - public insurance - that is free and covers all mexican citizens. So for an undocumented Mexican migrant in Oregon, for example, since they have no medical coverage options, they can sign up for this Seguro Público and go back to Mexico if they get really sick and be seen by a doctor within a week. Problem is once they go back to Mexico, how will they get back to the states? Hot topics these immigration and health care issues!

So Dr. Jimenez and I networked away for three days strait and discovered that there is no formula to being a Ventanilla. Each Ventanilla looks different and offers different services. The main purpose of the second day was to get feed back from current Ventanillas about standardization: what should be standardized? How? What requirements do they want? There is a lot of flexibility and other organizations were eager to help us develop our Ventanilla.

The Ancient Cathedral of The Virgin Guadalupe and the Modern Cathedral

These kind of opportunities really make me want to be a part of public health. It was encouraging for me to see Dr. Jimenez participate in these conversations. It was also interesting to see that a lot of the Ventanilla Coordinators were doctors trained in Latin America that can't practice in the US. I know that I would be unsatisfied simply doing policy and not being able to actually provide medical care, but I want to run a Ventanilla. When I asked Dr. Jimenez about mixing policy and practice, said she is happy doing what she's doing. She wants to do community health, but if that is what I want, I just need to be prepared for a major pay cut. I am so excited about the Ventanilla program and what it has to offer, so its sad that I probably won't ever see it come to fruition. But Sea Mar, where I'll be an americorps volunteer in Seattle next year, is the Ventanilla in Seattle. So there's hope!

It was a pretty amazing four days. So many of the opportunities I've had through Wallace are shaping what I believe as a person and what I want to do as a doctor. For that I am truly grateful.

Procrastination and El Capullo

2010-06-19T14:51:00.001-07:00

So, I'm sitting in our local coffee shop, Cafe Delerium, on the corner of Main and 3rd Street. My plan for today was to go to the farmer's market (check) and then to hold up in this caffeination station and finish up last minute edits on my medical school application.

After about an hour of work - well, half an hour of work and half an hour of facebooking - I decided it was time for a little break. I really wanted to share with you all my new favorite part about working on the van on Wednesdays: El Capullo. If I haven't mentioned it before, Gresham is the little Mexico of the Portland area. The hispanic population is very high, and so is the concentration of mexican restaurants and tiendas within a 5 mile radius of my house. My housemates an I rarely venture into these shops and restaurants- mainly because we can't afford to eat out, but other than that I have no idea why.

So I'm pleased to finally be enjoying the benefits having authentic mexican food at my finger tips. The van staff has made a habit of buying lunch at El Capullo every wednesday. $1 tacos, $1 horchata (drink made of rice milk, sugar and cinnamon), and a huge buffet of free fixins. 1 taco of carnitas, 1 taco al pastor, piled high with cilantro, onion, green salsa, pico de gallo with nopal cactus, marinated chiles, and lime. HEAVEN. I've started bringing home the extra goodies to eat with nachos at home - which Renata appreciates. A little taste of mexico brings her back to her visiting her dad's family in Mexico City.

Though, before I took the time to write about this deliciousness and notice the grumbling in my tummy, I found myself distracted once again. I decided to revamp my blog. Hope you enjoy the new layout. And are inspired to go find some tacos of your own.

Procrastination. Much more satisfying that actual work.

The Great Outdoors

2010-06-17T09:47:00.000-07:00

Despite the horrendously rainy and cold spring we've been having, there have been a few shining moments of sun and warmth, and my roommates and I are taking full advantage. For a girl who used to whine at the thought of hiking up a mountain, I've come quite a long way.

Memorial day weekend, for the first time in probably 10 years, I strapped on an over 50 pound back pack, and headed out onto the trail for a backpacking and camping weekend. I gotta say I felt pretty bad ass finally putting my "travel backpack" to it's intended use. Something about caring around your own food and shelter on your back and walking into the wilderness with a group of people is liberating. It was a fairly easy hike - we had quite the mix of experienced and first time backpackers. Hiked about four miles in to the camp site *Gretchen and I found and convinced our group to hike 15 more minutes for our pristine location*, set up our tents, scoured the land for fire wood (not hard, there's a beetle infestation that is killing all the trees), and chowed down on dried fruit, trail mix, and fire-roasted hot dogs. The second day, Garrett and Tomás headed onward past where the trail was not really hike-able any more due to downed trees. They camped a second night at Badger Lake. The girls and I hiked until we were having to climb over downed trees every 15 feet. It made for a nice 9 mile hike on day 2 before the drive home. I had at one moment considered going on with the boys to camp a second night, but that 9 mile hike told me I am not quite in the backpacking shape I'd like to be in. None the less - communing with nature and sleeping in a tent for the first time in a LONG time was pretty great :)

Then the next weekend, we were lucky enough to have another beautiful saturday and went on a hike to Ramona Falls with our support couple Jim and Mary Anne Buck. Both in their 60's and recently retired, Jim is quite the athlete and mountian man, and Mary Anne has joined a hiking group since her retirement from St. Henry's Parish 6 months ago. They picked us up in the morning, we drove out to Mt. Hood National Forest and went on one of the most beautiful hikes I have been on in a long time. We wandered through what seemed to me the garden of eden entranced by the babbling brook and the silence of the deep forest. Not to mention the incredible view of Mt. Hood. Jim an Mary Anne provided a nutritious lunch when we got to the falls, then we were invited over for an evening of Venison Stew, Rhubarb Pie, and great conversation. Amazing.

I can't get enough! I want to hike every weekend!

Spirituality Night: I am from...

2010-05-28T14:00:00.001-07:00

*So for last weeks spirituality night, Justin had us all write "I am from..." poems. Basically drawing on people, places, things and experiences that have shaped you and made you who you are. They are super free form, kind of stream of consciousness. I wrote two: one very random, and the other a little more thoughtful. Just thought I'd share!

I am From…
I am from water
From summers at the pool and swim team races
From a liquid back yard and sunburns after laying out on the dock too long

I am from nerf gun fights, trying to be one of the boys
I am from a cruel older brother that turned into a best friend
I am from Peppakakka and Potatas Corve
I am from five acres of the best trees to climb, the freshest mountain air and Karen the goat lady
I am from “don’t call me pony, I’m just a little horse,” fried chicken and the Honda Trail ‘90
I am from “don’t talk about your feelings” and “tell me more than you wanted to know”
I am from Lamb Chop and Reading Rainbow
I am from don’t eat that and however you say “fat girl” in Japanese
I am from hips broken at the age of 13 and guns pointed at your daughter
I am from West Lake Sammamish Parkway and angry neighbors
I am from Shawn Moore and nettle bushes

From rats buried in the back yard to cats we thought had 6 toes but turns out we just couldn’t count
From Doug Firs, Rhododendrons, Japanese Maples and Eagles Nests
From the ancient music that has coursed through the veins of humans and fed their souls since the beginning of time
I am from the secret – the quiet place, hungry I come for I know you satisfy, Forgiven because He was forsaken

From tears shed on snowy mountain slopes
From dress-up clothes and Barbie dolls in the drawers beneath my bunk bed
From Scientists and Journalists
From Faith and Reason

From a love that has filled me and inspired me to take joy in this world and do what I can to help others experience the love and joy we all deserve

I am from Water

I am from the water that falls from the sky
That quenches the thirst of the evergreens and ferns
That runs down the steep Seattle streets

I am from the water that courses through the veins of the Northwest
That melts from the glaciers
That fills the Columbia and cuts through the walls of the Gorge

I am from water that stands still
Only moved by my arms and my feet as I race to the edge of the pool
Or by the propeller of the boat and the fin on my wakeboard

I am from the living water that restores my soul
From Be Though My Vision and Lift Thine Eyes
From the stillness, He is there

I am from the water that falls in drops from my eyes
To remember flannel shirts, puffy vests and trucker hats
For tan skin, gold chains, and cigar smoke

I am from the water from the faucet, that once fell from the sky, ran through the river, collected in the reservoir, and filled the pipes that emptied into my glass only to enter my body, fill my cells, and give me life.

Who wants to see the Doc on the RV?

2010-05-19T11:59:00.000-07:00

The Wallace Medical Concern is now on Wheels!

Las week was our first full week of seeing patients on our new mobile medical clinic. This thing has dominated the time of everyone in the office for the past few months. But after hours of phone calls, hundreds - more like thousands - of copies, a lot of cleaning, and a few practice clinic, our van is on the road! Or parked in the parking lot of three local social service agencies throughout the week.

This thing is literally an RV. There are two exam rooms, a small bathroom, a little lab area, and a teeny tiny office with two "desks." The goal is to see 15 patients a day with one doctor, one MA, one person doing intake/referrals, and me doing referrals on Wednesdays and occasional Thursdays.

We are not without kinks, that's for sure. Showing up last Wednesday to our an agency that didn't know we were starting that week... not so good. Not having lidocaine for procedures - bad. Having only three patients on the schedule then having all of them cancel, very ineffective. But we're getting there.

I am responsible for setting up referral systems and making sure our staff is aware of and utilizes all the resources available to us. I am also in charge of figuring out flow - do we do referrals on the van? Do we have a confidential space to do referrals? How do charts make it back to the office? What do we do if patients need follow up?

All very good questions... I'm not sure of all the answers quite yet.

Also, I decided to be more "green" and bike to the van location today. Great idea when the sun was out at 8:00 this morning. Now it's POURING! - hopefully it will lighten up before I head home at 5:00.

Sweat Lodge

2010-04-28T10:55:00.000-07:00

So this post is WAY over due, but I wanted to share about this really interesting experience.

Every first sunday of the month, a community of people gather on some land near Mt. Hood to participate in a Lakota Native American tribe sweat lodge. A former JV, and current Jesuit Priest who is very involved with Portland area JV's and JVC NW - he spoke at orientation - has been very involved in the spiritual practices of the Lakota tribe and tends fire for the sweats. Current Portland JV, my friend Jeremy, has been very intrigued and involved in the sweats this year and goes every month. JV's are always welcome and invited, and my roommates have gone a few times. So I decided to go to the March Sweat.

The sweat is an all day experience. You show up in the morning to work the land: we spread "hogs fire" -mulch - over the rock path, cut wood for the fire that would heat the stones for the sweat, or prepare cedar "leaves" for the smudge (a blessing/washing with smoke). We dropped off our stuff in the community yurt and set to work. After a few hours of work, everyone prepares for the lodge. Women change into t-shirts and long skirts while the men can be shirtless with shorts. If your shirt has a logo, it is best to wear it inside out. You want to enter and exit the lodge as purely and naturally as possible. If you have any metal you can't remove, you tie a red piece of yarn around them so that the bad spirits stay away - or just pray I don't get burned by the heat conducted through the metal rods going through my ears.

Just before the lodge, new comers are given an explanation of what to expect. There are rules and what way to turn (always clockwise), Gifts are given to the leader - Numpa - meaning loose tobacco for rolling cigarettes.

I feel an explanation of the actual lodge is necessary. When I first got there, my friend Emily asked "so where's the lodge?" and the boys pointed to a small, round hut that probably reached to my waste an was maybe 10 feet in diameter. "That's IT?!" we responded. Sweats are not for the claustrophobic, that's for sure.

So as the sweat began, we entered the lodge on our hands and knees to the beat of the drum. Women first, making two rows on the right side of the lodge, followed by the men making tow rows in the left. Finally Numpa enters. When the stones are ready, Numpa calls for how many stones he wants. They fill the pit in the middle of the lodge, and the door is shut. We sit in complete darkness and focus on our "intention" as the water condenses on our skin - half Sweat, half water vapor from the stones - trying to focus on the cries of the Native American chants being sung rather than the scalding air as it fills our lungs.

There were four rounds: each of varying lengths and temperatures. The third was the most intense - 16 stones - but also the shortest. Sighs of relief fill the lodge after the end of each round. We were sweating for 2 hours, though it felt much shorter.

When the sweat was finally over, we crawl out of the lodge, exhausted and drenched to our bones. Everyone pathetically collapsed on the ground or stumps encircling the fire outside. We thank our leader, breath deep, then retreat to the yurt to change.

Once everyone is cleaned up, the yurt fills with food people have brought to share. The leaders and elders eat first, next the women, and finally the men. As we sat and enjoyed amazing salads, chicken, breads, cookies the talk circle commenced. We passed the eagle feather around the circle and everyone has a change to talk about what they experience during the sweat. Personally, the sweat had been tough. I didn't have a specific intention, it was uncomfortable and unfamiliar, but the talk circle made it worth it. To hear about everyone's experiences and to become a part of this community of people who craved for a spirit beyond themselves, was so fulfilling. And to share this experience with my roommates and fellow JV's - pretty great.

The inevitable has happened...

2010-04-11T18:08:00.000-07:00

... our free internet connection has been locked down. I can no longer check my e-mail when I wake up on weekend mornings, or write blot posts while eating breakfast in my bed (which I will use as my excuse for why I am so far behind).

Debnet is now password protected.

But, the sadness I felt when I tried to log on one sunday night makes me question my addiction. I would think I would have conquered this need for constant access to information and impersonal connection, but alas I have not. Further shown by how I freaked out the weekend I didn't have a phone - my nice flip phone flipped right in half when I dropped it on the hard floor of my office.

But it's been a few weeks now, and I do feel guilty for not updating my blog - which is also due to the fact that Med School applications are starting to rule my life, and work has gotten so buy and crazy that I barely have time to check my personal e-mail when I'm at the office. Other than that, I am more present to my roommates when we're all home, I'm once again reading before going to bed rather than trying to download the latest episode of Private Practice, and after my head phones exploded a few months ago, I can read while at the gym and enjoy the sounds of the birds as I run outside rather than being addicted to my iPod.

I can live without internet...

As long as there is a Cafe D or some other cute coffee shop near by to occasionally connect me to the world beyond Gresham.

Future Plans Update

2010-03-25T11:08:00.000-07:00

It's that time of year. The time of year when JV's are hearing back from grad schools, applying for second years of service, and trying to figure out where we'll end up in a few months. Granted we have about 4.5 months left to continue growing with our communities, live more simply, fight for justice and explore our spirituality - but we can't help but think about what happens in August.

For me, I have already applied, interviewed and been accepted for a second year of JVC - but I turned it down. With Med school applications and interviews, trying to maintain the relationships I already hold dear, and no really wanting to spend another year in the Convent that is my home (it's not that bad, but just not too homey), I couldn't commit to being a part of the next JVC community in Gresham. I will miss Wallace Medical, and they will miss me, but hopefully it's a "see you later" not a "goodbye." I've still got 4 months....

So, I'm heading back to Seattle! Right this very second I am applying to AmeriCorps positions in Seattle at with Sea Mar clinic and social services for primarily latino immigrants. I might be a bilingual Doula (birth coach), or help patients navigate the health care system, or work in patient education. If that falls through... perhaps a job and a few months spent traveling/volunteering in Latin America. I am also currently working my way through the MSAR (Medical School Admissions Requirements) trying to pick out where I want to go to med school... and that application will dominate my life shortly.

Anywho... a little update on my life plans.

Social Justice makes my head hurt...

2010-03-10T09:53:00.000-08:00

So I've had some pretty awesome opportunities of late to educate myself on different justice issues, which is GREAT yet overwhelming. Here's what's been on my mind the past week:

Food Justice:

I lead community night last week and decided to have all my roommates watch Food Inc., followed by a discussion of how we can buy better food. This movie is SO GOOD! Granted I am thoroughly disgusted with the American food industry, but I feel so much more enlightened and educated about what I am putting into my body - and what I want to stop putting in my body. I was already interested in food justice; I like supporting local and organic products and I have mixed feelings about GMO's, but for the sake of buying the most with our money, we haven't really payed attention to that this year. I also shared an article about the external costs of cheap food. This is one way where you can really vote with you dollar and affect a positive change for worker's rights, environmental health, animal rights, and our own personal health.

NW Environmental Health Conference 2010:

I received an e-mail at work about this conference and immediately asked my supervisor if I could go and represent Wallace. It was a day long conference for health care providers, non-profit organizations and advocates in the Portland area to discuss the state of environmental health and how it affects on health in our area (hosted by the OHSU School of Nursing). I spent the day listening to doctors (most belonging to Physicians for Social Responsibility), nurses (most with PhD's), researchers, public health advocates and naturopaths speak on a variety of topics including: Global Warming, the effects of built environment vs. natural environment, projects with immigrant populations to reduce household contaminants, and how to incorporate environmentalism into your practice. I don't quite know why I hadn't drawn the connection between environmental and health advocacy - but it makes so much sense! We are essentially killing ourselves the more and more we kill our environment. I am inspired to make a difference.

Changing needs at Work:

I spent all day yesterday having the same conversation over and over again in the office. The line out our door is getting longer, the people are more upset and desperate, and their problems are more complicated. We can usually see about 20 patients a night, but we are now turning away just as many. One of the doctors on Monday night comment about how our capacity to treat patients will be lower as we continue to see more people with Diabetes and Hypertension along with a laundry list of other issues. It is time consuming and work intensive. So what do we do? We can't just be a portal for referrals. Primary care referrals are a great asset, but not an obligation - and if we start handing them out like candy, our resources will be tapped out. So do we stick to basic urgent care or expand our scope to fit the needs of our community? Do we do appointments and stop being the only clinic in east county with same-day provider visits? My head hurts....

In Summary

Everything is connected: eat local and by organic, ride a bike, plant a tree, lobby for better healthcare!

Reflection on the Four Values

2010-03-03T10:42:00.001-08:00

Here is the second essay I wrote for the 2nd year application. It is a reflection on the four values: Simplicity, Social Justice, Spirituality, and Community.

Before my JV year started, I thought the four values were somewhat arbitrary. As I have grown to understand them I recognize how essential simplicity, spirituality, social justice and community are to living a full and meaningful life.

I have been challenged this year to think about simplicity in many different ways: simplicity of time, simplicity in terms of technology, and ecological simplicity. Discovering what is life-giving in terms of simplicity of time has been difficult. To some of my housemates, it meant not rushing, being patient, not filling your day with things; but I am a person that is driven by an agenda. I appreciate lazy days, but also have a need to achieve and am a much happier and healthier person when active. Technologically, I still struggle with wanting to be on my computer and seeking out Internet, but I have discovered the joy in freedom from my cell phone. I am more present to the people and experiences around me when I’m not concerned about my next text message of phone call. Environmental simplicity has been interesting. I have always had a car and never had a need or desire to use public transportation. But after six months of being in Portland, I am finally pushing myself. It is so easy and simple to get in my car, turn the key, and be on my way whenever and wherever I want to go. But I’ve started to take the Max to church on Sunday mornings, and take the bus into Portland when I need an escape from Gresham. I am slowly alleviating my anxiety on public transit and it creates a peaceful sense of freedom and exploration allowing me to find joy in this city.

My placement is phenomenal. I can say with complete confidence that I will be a better doctor because of my work with the Wallace Medical Concern this year. Learning the social work model of care – giving people their options and letting them decide for themselves what they do with their heath – is so much more empowering than a medical model that dictates medical choices in order to move people a long more quickly. Especially being a part of our Latino Patient Advisory Council, I’ve realized the importance of listening and giving people a chance to be heard. Additionally, it has been made very clear what a huge gift it is to be bilingual and bicultural. I am not quite either, but it is now a goal of mine to work towards that.

In regards to spirituality, I did not understand just how “Catholic” the Jesuit Volunteer Corps was and how much of a challenge that would be for me this year. Growing up Presbyterian and attending a Presbyterian university, I had a fairly solid Christian faith foundation coming into the program, but have been challenged by my own prejudices of Catholicism as well as battling with the division of the church. My education was seemingly ecumenical, so the separation of my own faith from that of my housemates – due to the culture of the Catholic Church or some traditional Catholic views – has been difficult. But these challenges have allowed me to identify and think critically about my frustrations with Catholicism. I am finding language that is inclusive of the whole Christian community, and the greater community, keeping in mind the oppression that can be inherent in religion.

I am grateful for the way that living in intentional community encourages me to live the lifestyle I want to live. To be able to save money on food, or put more money towards local and organic products because we share a budget, and to come home to people who want to talk about our joys and struggles with this program is immensely life giving. But it is not without its challenges. Living with five strangers in a new city and having these strangers comprise your support group throughout this year puts a lot of pressure on relationships. Discovering just how different you can all be creates a lot of tension. But I am learning to simply exist and grow in that tension. I have had some of the most hilarious, encouraging, and insightful moments with my housemates, but I have been uncomfortable, angry and sad as well. By living in this tension, I can now recognize my own needs and communications styles better, and am growing more compassionate and loving toward people that are different from me.

JVC times two?

2010-03-03T10:33:00.000-08:00

So my mind has been occupied the last few weeks entertaining the thought of doing a second year of JVC. In terms of job security and continuing to do the work I love to do, JVC would be a great option. Though socially, for the sake of family and friendships that I already have, I'd rather be in Seattle. So keep me in your thoughts and prayers that I might get some more clarity in the next few weeks. I have my interview tomorrow and if I'm accepted I will have two weeks to decide. It's all coming up rather quickly, so I'm a little freaked out. In the mean time, I wanted to share my 2nd year application essays to shed some more light on my experience of this year. Here's the first one:

There is a language and a culture that belongs to Jesuit Volunteers that has helped give a voice to my personal values and ideals. Intentionality, community, peace and justice are becoming concepts that motivate my thoughts and actions. Compassion has always been a part of who I am. I am one who wants to experience the love of Christ, and live my life in a way that is true to that love – to be a glimpse of that love for everyone I interact with. JVC has helped me to do that. I am a person who has lived a life of privilege, of good health, of ample resources, and who is determined that because of this I have a responsibility to empower others and ensure that others have the chance to live with these as well.

As a JV, the way in which we live, serve and support each other have given me the opportunity to further develop my values and understand what it means to live them out. Conversations with my community, our struggles to love each other, the shock of my patient’s stories, and pushing myself to think about my impact not only on the people on this earth, but the earth itself have created some substantial growing pains. It is difficult to realize that I’m wrong. It is scary to recognize my faults and judgments. But it is the starting place of personal growth.

I am growing in many ways. I have tasted what it is to truly be hands and feet on the front lines for justice. I have been called out and challenged on the way that I express myself. I have realized how pervasive and debilitating domestic violence is, and how dehumanizing it is to have to stand in a line outside in the cold just to see a doctor. I have a whirlwind of questions spinning around in my head and six months is not enough time to sort it all out. My whole life may not be enough, but I desire to continue my development with a community that will keep challenging and supporting me. I crave an environment that will delve deeper into the JVC values. I have been exposed to new thoughts on social justice, community, simplicity, and spirituality and I want to continue to explore them with JVs that I can learn with; people who desire to better this world and listen to those who are hard to hear beneath the hum of the majority.

I am slightly anxious about a second year of JVC and have a lot of questions. Will my new housemates be as amazing as this year’s? Will they be outgoing and willing to adventure in the city and in nature? Can I handle living in the same house again? Will I be the controlling second year who knows how to do everything and wants to enforce my own ideas? Am I avoiding something? Will I miss out on another year of the lives of my friends and family outside JVC? I recognize that it will be a difficult process. It’s not as if I feel like I need a re-do. I have had an amazing first year and feel like I’ve only begun to tap into my life force. I simply yearn for more.

I have great aspirations for the year to come. I hope to give more stability to my agency and to further my empathy and compassion for the patients we serve. Wallace is about to go through a multitude of important changes. They are expanding services by adding a mobile clinic, hiring a doctor, and having to move to a new office space by January 2011. Though our houses are designed to be our intentional community, my office has become that for me as well. I am invested in my relationships with my co-workers, and fall more in love with Wallace’s mission every day. To have to train a new JV is very possible, but would be difficult in the midst of the new changes coming on. Maintaining continuity of care is important, and I don’t want the care of our patients to falter as the organization continues to change and grow.

Though my passion for my job and the work I do there is a major motivation for me to apply for a second year, I also hope to turn the idea of living in an intentional community into a true lifestyle, to decrease my carbon footprint, and to really appreciate the people and places within the city I live in. I want to further explore what simplicity means and to push myself to live a life that is more ecologically sustainable. I want to think critically about the sources of injustice in this world and how I can make a difference in the lives of people who experience injustice. I hope that a second year will help me become a strong advocate for peace and justice and a world that struggles to see the value in that.

This makes it all worth while

2010-02-16T09:56:00.000-08:00

I was just forwarded this link by the Access and Referral Coordinator (Tara) at Project Access at the Coalition that my clinic is a part of and wanted to share it with you all. About a month ago, Tara called me asking for a patient story for some publicity for our program and I offered the story of a patient that has gone through a lot in pursuit of care for her extremely painful skin condition. Here is a copy of the story. I hope it gives you a little more insight to what I'm doing this year. You can find the actual web page and Isha's picture here.

Isha’s dermatological condition made her so self-conscious she became extremely anti-social; she’d hate even the thought of interacting with people. Two days after she moved from Cleveland to Portland for a job transfer, the local company department closed. Isha was out of a job in a city she didn’t know, and with no insurance to help her get medical attention.

“It actually turned out to be a blessing,” Isha said. She found Wallace Medical Concern, where her doctor connected her with Erin Cooley, who enrolled Isha in Project Access.

Following three months of antibiotic treatment and consultations with Dr. Nathalie McDowell Johnson, of Surgical Associates, and Dr. Daniel Zegzula, of Portland Plastic Surgery, Isha underwent a successful surgery in December 2009. She said, “They took out as much diseased tissue as possible without leaving almost any scars.”

Laughing, Isha said, “It’s over with. I’m healing. I smile more. I feel comfortable getting out among people. Even my family commented on how my personality changed.” In her own estimation, Isha has “a couple of months to go” with follow up visits and recovery.

Relief came with a degree of gratitude. “Everyone at Wallace [Medical Concern] and [Legacy] Good Samaritan was wonderful. They all took time to listen, thoroughly examine me, and then tell me what my options were, the good and the bad.”

As she related her story, Isha sounded surprised at times. “Someone at Project Access called me to tell me what the process was and the expectations. At the end, they asked what they can do to improve. I thought, ‘Is there something else? You guys are doing exceptionally well and are asking for feedback.’ I loved it! It was something I had never experienced before.”

That it all was a volunteer effort compounded Isha’s feelings. “It was special,” she said. “I had no job, very little income, no bright outlook on things. It just so happened I was at the right place at the right time. If it hadn’t been for Erin Cooley, I wouldn’t be here.”

(February 2010)

A Few Things to Share

2010-02-07T13:48:00.000-08:00

Man, I'm slacking as a blogger. I always have little thoughts throughout the week that I'd love to share with the people, but lack of access to internet and time do not lend themselves to being able to sit down and share what I want to share when I want to share it (though we are able to steal internet at our house currently, but I won't let myself blog from home). Then almost three weeks go by without a blog post. Sorry friends! Here are some important/interesting things that have happened recently:

Solo Clinic: I ran downtown clinic all by myself! It's pretty exciting. I was in charge of EVERYTHING: orienting a new doctor, helping people find supplies in our "clinic in a box" that we use because the clinic is borrowed space, filling in for as an interpreter (for a rectal exam - that was fun), making sure everything ran smoothly, that all the patients that were supposed to be seen got seen, dealing with walk-ins and making sure everything got put away correctly at the end of the night. I'm a real clinic manager :)

Shadowing: On MLK day I got to shadow our Medical Director for morning round up at the VA. I showed up at the Hospital while it was still dark, just before 7 AM, and spend a few hours walking around with two medical students, three residents, another Pre-med girl also shadowing, and Dr. Reuler watching the students and residents present on the patients that had been admitted over night. Not only was it a really interesting experience, the VA is up on "The Hill" with OHSU and I got to watch the sunrise over Mt. Hood. It was AMAZING - such a beautiful sunrise from the perfect vantage point. It was the first sunny day in about a week and was the perfect start to the week.

LPAC and Social Justice: So social justice has been on my mind a lot recently - sparked by our Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Party conversations, through talks during our Area Director visit, and with our upcoming retreat focused on social justice this weekend. I got to really be a part of it during our recent Latino Patient Advisory Council (LPAC). Wallace has received a grant to evaluate the needs of the east county community and determine whether or not we should expand and become a Federally Qualified Heath Center (FQHC). Any who, part of this process is focus groups with the community to discuss what the actual needs of the community are. So we had a few people from the county lead this focus group with out Latino Patients at our LPAC meeting. We discussed what a "healthy community" looks like, what are current barriers to having a healthy community, what are the needs of the community, and how can Wallace help to provide for those needs.

I was so affected by what was said. For one, the room was pretty evenly split male and female, and everyone participated equally, which was not expected. They shared their concerns about lack or resources and communication about resources, how hard it is to be latino and the discrimination they receive in the work place. Worrying about proving themselves and being strong, but how can you be strong physically or mentally when you don't have enough food to feed your family? One woman was talking about being in debt for life to the hospital because she had to have an emergency surgery and there was nothing she could do about it, but then another couple chimed in about financial assistance programs at hospitals. There is not enough communication about the resources available. And then just coming to a new country and not understanding the laws and customs is so difficult. They expressed frustration with their own latino community that doesn't take responsibility for their own health and well being, and the sense of competition between neighbors that inhibits the communication flow.

For me to be one of only two white women, a person of supposed privilege, in the room of 20 latinos, I felt so honored to be a part of this discussion. I can say that latinos are disriminated against and not completely understand what that means, but having heard about their struggles from their own lips, it is more real than I could imagine. It must have been so empowering for them to be given a space to voice their concerns and actually be heard and listened to; to even be asked these questions and have their thoughts truly valued. That's really the first step: to give people space to be heard and validated, then take the things they sat and take action. And I really do get to be a part of solution. It's a pretty incredible feeing.

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Reflection

2010-01-20T11:52:00.000-08:00

I'm so impressed with my roommates and I. We decided to throw a party for MLK day and the long weekend, but didn't want it to be just a typical party. We wanted to respect the spirit of the day and the work of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. The original plan was to have some kind of service event Saturday afternoon, then have people our place to dance the night away. However, seeing as how we volunteer all day everyday, and there weren't really any service opportunities on Saturday, we organized a Social Justice reflection to help us process our own experiences in the service we already do.

We started the reflection around 7:00 Saturday night when the Portland JVs decided to show up; out-of-towners had been chillin at our house since mid-day. We had sent out reflection questions mid-week to let people prepare their thoughts and stories. Justin facilitated and came up with some more questions to discuss. At one point we broke into groups with people from other houses, then came back together. We started with simply sharing stories that have opened our eyes or changed our perspective on Social Justice, or stories of people we've worked with or clients that inspire us. It was so wonderful to hear stories from other JV's. We inspired each other and got to understand the jobs and struggles of our fellow volunteers. We talked about what it means to be born with "power" because you're were born white and grew up in the middle class; and how to use that power, or redefine it rather, working with the powerless. We talked about how we really aren't that many steps from the people we serve. A few unfortunate circumstances or wrong choices and we are right there on the streets and uninsured. We discussed how difficult it is to deal with people and trust their stories. Then how hard it can be do have a trying day and come home to a community that can often feel like a second job. I was so impressed with my fellow volunteers. There was one non-JV in the room. He's a Seattle Native who's college roommate is now a JV in Seattle and he's moved back home and become a pretty important part of the Seattle community. He was so thankful to be out of school but still connected to an amazing group of people that continue to feed him spiritually and challenge him to think about Social Justice and Service in new ways.

It was a pretty amazing time to come together and share and reflect.

Then as conversation eventually died down, we cleared tables and food away and boogied down.

Personal Simplicity Challenge

2010-01-20T11:22:00.000-08:00

So, I've been doing this whole "living simply" JVC thing for almost 6 months now so I think it's time to step it up with a personal challenge. I have one MAJOR crutch ... my car...

One roommate has challenged our house, and me specifically, to try and limit our car usage to only work-related endeavors and grocery shopping. Sounds easy enough right? Not so much when we live half an hour from down town and the other JVs by car, 45 minutes by public transit. On dark rainy nights, it's much easier to cram into the car than to walk to the Max station that's less than a mile from our house and wait for the train. Not to mentions my somewhat irrational fear of public transportation. Not so much fear, more like unfamiliarity. All my roommates have to take busses and the MAX for work occasionally if not every day OR they went to school in cities with amazing subway systems and have lived without cars for the past four years. I, however, have never been without a car since I was 16 - maybe the first two months of college but I promptly brought my car back after that first thanksgiving. I grew up in the burbs where we had busses, but I never had to use them, and they just took so dang long to get anywhere. My friends and i would try to help the planet out a bit with carpooling, but there was always multiple cars available to us.

So I've taken on this challenge.. and it's been an interesting experience thus far. Two weekends ago, I borrowed Sinclair's trimet pass and Renata, Gretchen and I bussed it into SE portland to wander and explore for the afternoon. It was about half an hour bus ride, then we walked from Division, down Hawthorne, back down Bellmont, over to Stark, and past Burnside - we probably walked a good 6 miles easy. But it was so nice to experience the city, see the people, walk into the cute stores, explore bars that we'd heard about. Had we gone in the car, we would not have seen all the cute little Portland houses or gotten lost and figured our way around the city. I have a much better understanding of where everything is now.

Then this past weekend, I took the Max to church. I really like this new church I've gone to a few times - Mosaic - and it just so happens to be about three blocks from the Hollywood Max station. I drove the first time I went because I was nervous about finding it and was running late - like usual. But last weekend, I borrowed Gretchen's Trimet pass, walked to the Max station in the rain, and got on the train. It was super easy and kinda nice. I brought a book and got to just check out for the half hour ride. It was nice. Kinda like I was back in Europe, making my way around the city sans car; it's liberating. Though I must say the Max is not the most relaxing atmosphere. I was trying to focus on my book - Traveling Mercies by Anne Lamott - but was surrounded by rowdy teenagers having really inappropriate conversations. I spend a lot of energy just trying to not to listen and be embarrassed for them. It's exhausting to ignore people. I have a new respect for Gretchen who commutes to work three times a week on the max.

Well, so far so good. I'm proud of myself. I just needed to do it once, and now I'm not so anxious about it. Hopefully I'll be using my car less and less.

A JV Christmas in Greshlahem

2009-12-26T16:41:00.000-08:00

We had a very delightful Christmas in Portland. On Christmas Eve day, Gretchen and I enjoyed a wonderful run on a sunny day, came home and had a last minute run to the grocery store. Then we were off to a double service night with the Portland JV’s. First on the schedule was downtown chapel, a parish in the middle of downtown where my friend Garrett works in their drop in center. It is a very simple chapel with brightly colored walls and a cement floor. We sang traditional carols and listened to a homily about Christ coming to bring out the best in the least in society; to give those people that were rejected by everyone else a glimmer of hope and integrity, to make them feel loved and wanted. He acknowledged the congregations propensity for service and encouraged them to continue to serve others so that we could help to bring them the humanity they deserve like Christ did.

After the service, we walked the few blocks to Pioneer Square to admire the Christmas tree with a nice cup of coffee before our next stop. After warming up slightly we headed over to Night Watch – an evening drop in center for homeless. When we walked in, the smell of smoke and BO was overwhelming. I felt incredibly out of place in my purple pea coat, big golden earrings and shiny flats. I didn’t feel like pushing my way past the crowded rows of men who didn’t look like they wanted to get real cozy with their neighbors, so I stood in the back with most of the other JV’s. I was impressed with the few volunteers that did find a seat amongst the homeless men and women who called each other family. We sang carols between readings of the Christmas story from the Gospels and then the man in charge gave a great talk about the circumstances of Mary and Joseph and Jesus around the time of Jesus’ birth. They were homeless, a pregnant unwed mother, born in a dirty stable outside the city limits. Christ was meant for the people sitting in that room. He was one of those people sitting in that room. Many other points were made that may have resonated more with the people sitting in that room, but as a person of privilege to be there with the people Christ was intended for was a very powerful experience.

When the service was over hot drinks were served and sweet treats were passed. I finally made my way up to the front of the room and into a conversation about economics with one homeless man. It was very interesting – talking about how there is such a huge disparity between the rich and poor, a conversation I’ve never had with someone on the other end of the spectrum, and he was very wise. We talked about how trickle-down economics may sound good in theory when compared to feeding a horse: if you give him enough food, there will be feed left over for the birds. But money is not so finite. Greed is a thing that cannot be satiated, money will keep going into a void that cannot be filled, and none will be left to fall to those less fortunate. Something to think about…

Then he trailed off to talking about Hari Krishna and throwing around a bunch of names and concepts I couldn’t follow…. But it was good while it lasted J

The JV’s retired to Greshlahem for the evening - I quickly whipped up some breakfast casseroles to sit overnight, then relazedd in our family room admiring our fat Christmas tree complete with colored lights, popcorn strings, and tin-foil star. There was a little guitar playing and carol singing, but the night dissolved into laughter as we filled the family room with 5 mattresses for all 11 of us to sleep, and steamrolled each other before falling asleep to Home Alone.

Christmas Morning I awoke earlier than everyone else. I cleaned the kitchen and put the casseroles in the oven. Gretchen helped get the table ready and people slowly started to wake up and wander into the kitchen. We sat around the table all together, like a good JV family and enjoyed pumpkin pancakes, fruit salad, and a choice of vegetarian or sausage casserole. Eventually people went back to their homes, Gretchen and I put our first turkey in the oven, and we spent the afternoon opening the few presents under the tree and calling family members. Gresham shared a Delicious Christmas dinner (hauling our amazing turkey in the car) with Portland Mac, and rounded out the night with drinks and pool at a new bar that opened up a few blocks away.

Overall, a very merry Christmas!

Simplicity in a Season of Consumerism

2009-12-21T16:55:00.000-08:00

Each month the JVC staff sends out monthly challenges based one one of the four values of JVC. This month it was Simplicity during the season of excess and mass consumerism.

This holiday season, we JV's in Gresham decided that it was time to clean out our pantry. We've noticed that we tend to eat only the foods we really like to eat, going to the store to replenish our stock of favorites and allowing food on our pantry to pile up, and left overs in the fridge to go uneaten. After a few months of occasionally having to throw out vegetables rotting in the bottom of our fridge, and oranges drying up on out counters, it was time to get better about our food consumption. We started a few weeks before the actual week of December challenges: buying only a few necessities on the weekend such as lettuce, apples, eggs and cheese, then slowly using the foods that have been taking up room in our pantry and hiding in the back of the refrigerator. We continued this for about the third week when we joined the JVC staff in their challenges.

Though breakfasts and lunches were sometimes a challenge, it was really cleansing and invigorating to get creative around meal time. We aren't throwing food out anymore and discovered that we had so much food to work with! Another part of our challenge that helped is that we added two more community meals to our weekly schedule. Not only did we use our food more efficiently - making one meal for 6 people rather than 6 individual meals - were were spending more quality time together around the dinner table, being more present to each other, and laughing a lot more. One tasty example is our community dinner from last night: Potato and onion curry, fried rice with pineapple, eggs and broccoli, and Afghan flat bread - all made with ingredients that had been in our pantry for almost a month-DELICIOUS!

We also planned our first energy fast for last Tuesday. We decided as community that we would not use any hot water, not turn on any lights, not plug in anything that didn't need to be plugged in (we left the refrigerator on, but didn't use the oven, stove, microwave or toaster), and were also challenged to not use our cell phones for the day. I messed up right away: I got out of bed, went into the bathroom and turned on the light then immediately turned it off saying "SHOOT!"... or something like that. The day went pretty smoothly. I went to work, then to the gym and worked out reading a book rather than listening to my ipod. I cam home to a dark house and my roommates huddled in out breakfast nook - the kitchen lit up with candles. I made myself a sandwich and grazed in the pantry for a while. We spent our evening playing cards by candle light, commenting on how nice it was to wake up to the natural light in the morning and sharing about our days. Though we may have wanted to just check-out and throw on a movie, we were able to spend a pleasant evening and quality time together in good conversation. Though I did appreciate being able to turn on the lights the next morning.

'Tis the Season

2009-12-16T10:12:00.000-08:00

It felt a little bit more like Christmas last week, what with the temperature in the 20's and the crazy Gresham wind-chill making it feel below zero. I sported my purple pea coat constantly and was regretting leaving all my gloves at home. But the weather has warmed, the rain has returned, and Christmas is on its way.

I was home for Thanksgiving, and it was great to get a breath of fresh air, spend some time with family, hang out with Ian and Annie, Mike and Tig, and Kim. We got have some great conversations about philosophy, theology, and spirituality with insight from my JV experience. But it was a little strange. Being in Bellevue which is so ostentatious and ridiculously excessive, in addition to feeling like my parent's house is not my home - not where I grew up, and sleeping on the couch because the couples had the beds was just a little lonely. Gresham definitely felt more like home when I got back.

For those of you who don't know already, I am not going home for Christmas this year. If you know me well, you know I'm very attached to my traditions: Christmas eve at my parent's house, 11:00 candle light service at church, wake up (usually to Ian hitting me with a pillow or something equally obnoxious), waiting for mom to shower while we get the eggnog and tasty breakfast breads ready, opening stockings, then everyone taking turns opening gifts until there's nothing left. Gifts are followed by brunch - usually french toast and sausage or bacon, going for a family walk with the dog, watching a movie, and calling family until it's time for Christmas dinner at Grandma's house that always includes pickled herring, Swedish potato sausage, more gifts and game playing.

But not this year. I still feel a little funny about it... first Christmas not at home. It's been hard to explain to people. I feel like I have no excuse: I'm only three hours away (closer than I was at school) and who doesn't go home for Christmas? They don't get it. Well it was going to be a strange holiday anyway. Ian and Annie, now married and splitting their time between two families, are going to Colorado. And as a JV, we are encourage to really think about spending the holidays at our placements and doing something in the spirit of JVC. We are challenged to combat the consumerism and excess of the season and to try to return to the true spirit of Christmas. I am committed to this experience, and it so limited. I have one year with the support of this organization to really try and explore and understand the core values of community, spirituality, simplicity and social justice. I have one year to learn and grow with my roommates. I have one year to do something different. I will miss my family, and my Christmas routine. I'm worried about my mom and dad being sad without the kids around, and the smaller and stranger dinner at Grandma's, but I'm kind of excited to make this experience my own. It will be strange trying to accommodate different holiday traditions with all the Portland JV's that are sticking around, and I will probably get frustrated with not having things go the way I want them to, but I hope that we can serve the community around us and share some insights, and have a very special celebration.

Where did November go?

2009-12-02T11:18:00.000-08:00

I know, I know... I've been a neglectful blogger, but November was just so jam-packed with stuff I couldn't find the time to sit down and write about it all. Here are the important highlights.

Retreat: we spent a long weekend on a small bay on Whidbey Island, full of beautiful nature trails, breathtaking views of the sound, and endless conversation about personality types and communication within our community. It was fun to spend some more time with some JV's I hadn't seen since Orientation (some that I didn't remember at all... oops) and to go deeper with the JV's I already knew. The weekend culminated with a coffee shop/talent show where Sean and I showed off our Styrofoam Snowflake skills with our acoustic rendition of Marvin Gaye's "Lets Get it On" and City High's "What Would You Do." The crowds cheered. It was great.

Team Gresham Represent!

Styrofoam Snowfakes perform "Let Get it On"

Nutrition Classes: Work seemed to fly by this month because I was constantly occupied with all the minute details of making my nutrition classes run smoothly. I had to make a shopping list each week, check it with the instructor, who checked with the curriculum provider, then I made revisions and rechecked everything. I also had to make sure we had enough childcare providers for the 15 rowdy hispanic kids the participants traipsed to each class. I couldn't make it to two of the Saturday classes, so I had to make sure all correct food was purchased and designated as "in class" use or "give away" food, and make sure the Staff person taking over for me knew when to be where and what to do. It was pretty stressful, especially when our Executive Director decided I should be the one to buy all the food. This meant I got to spend $350 each Friday at 4 different grocery stores to try and get enough food for 15 participants to eat in class and take the ingredients home. A little hectic. But so worth it. The classes were a huge hit and participants were so grateful for the opportunity to learn and to hang out with each other :) Now it's onto data processing and report writing... awesome.

Weekend at the Coast: We got to spend one weekend in Lincoln City on the coast hosted by Renata's Godmother at a house she was house sitting for the month of November. It was so nice and relaxing to be in a warm home and hang out on the beach. We went on a long hike that wound it's way out to a rocky bluff that looked out on the ocean and a beach full of sea lions. That night we all fell asleep watching a movie and woke up to fresh baked banana bread and a whole Turkey in the oven being cooked so we could have meet for Sandwiches for our drive home. We drove down to Newport beach and spent a few hours playing and taking pictures on the rainy beach, got some sea food and saltwater taffy in town, and headed home.

On the Cold and Blustery Bluff on our Hike

Newport Beach

Jumping Picture - check out my sweet Karate Kick :)

End of October Update

2009-11-04T10:08:00.000-08:00

A few noteworthy items from the end of the month since I have abandoned my blog for a few weeks:

Gym Membership: Why, you might ask, would I be waking up at 5:45 AM on my late start day? I could lay comfortably in bed until 1 Pm if I felts so inclined. But instead, I wake up before the sun does, and get on a bike, and travel one mile to use our new and wonderful gym membership. The reason is that we finagled out way into using one gym membership for 5 people. And it's not breaking any rules. It works out to be about $11/month per person if we have the membership until at least May. The deal is that we have one primary, and pay an extra little fee so that the primary can swipe in two people with him for free when ever he goes to the gym. This means that poor Tomás has to go to the gym twice a day. He works out in the morning before work with two people, then swipes in two people after work. I work late on Wednesday and Thursday, so if I want to work out those days I gotta get up at the crack of dawn. I thought I would hate it, bit it's actually pretty great to get up and get going. I have tons of time in the morning to do anything I want: write letters, practice the guitar, make lunch for my roommates, read... I never thought I was a morning person, but maybe I'm changing :)

First Public Performance: If you weren't aware yet, I am finally putting my musical skills to use. I, Erin Cooley, am part of a band. My friend Sean in one of the Portland houses and I have formed a band called the Styrofoam Snowflakes (based and his traumatic childhood experience with packing peanuts). We play acoustic covers of Top 40 and Hip-Hop songs including Beyonce's If I Were A Boy, Rihanna's Umbrella, Down Down Down by Jay Sean, Hey Ya - Outkast, and of course some Damien Rice, Tristan Prettyman, and Ingrid Michaelson thrown in the mix. Our most popular song: What Would You Do by City High - brings me back to middle school. Not gonna lie, I can sing and play guitar, Sean just likes to be loud and dance in front of people. But it's fun. And it's motivation to play my guitar that has been sadly neglected for the past few years. On Halloween, we had a cute little performance in the attic of the Portland Morris house in the middle of their epic party. I was SUPER nervous, but I believe it was a success ;) We may be making an appearance at the Retreat we have this weekend.

New Addition to the Gresham House: The lovely nuns at Bridal Veil down the road sent us a PIANO! it is big and beautiful and sits nicely in our dining room. Though I haven't played in a very very long time, I find myself spending a good chunk of my afternoons plunking my way through the thick book of Disney hits. I love it. I love music. I love making music. This is going to mean good things.

Putting my Whitworth Education to good use, Who woulda Thunk it? - so a little progress on my frustration with Catholicism: I lead a discussion on Niebuhr's Christ and Culture Models for my spirituality night last week. As much as Whitworthians complain about Core, it was such a great background to have and be able to more universally talk about how you view the world, how you know what you know, and what you think the relationship of faith an culture is. I essentially gave one of the Core 350 lectures to my roommates to explain these christ and culture models and it was really interesting to see where the discussion took us afterwards. Not just the role of Christ, but God and Faith in general. Who would have thought I would be so thankful for Core.

Any who, this weekend my roommates and I are going up to Whidbey Island to hang out with all the JV's from Seattle, Tacoma, Yakima, and Portland for the Cascade Region's fall retreat. The focus is right relationship. It will be nice to have a little break from Gresham, and hopefully I'll come back rejuvenated and ready for the busy holiday season.

Catholicism and Conflict

2009-10-14T13:27:00.001-07:00

Last night for sprituality night we had our neighbor/support couple/parish youth director over to facilitate a conversation about some beef my catholic housemates have with the catholic church. This stemmed from a contemplative mass we went to two weeks ago at the Jesuite parish where the homily reading were from the Genesis passage where Eve is created from Adam's rib, and a Gospel passage about marriage and divorce. The Homily left people wanting more. There was potential for so much to come from these readings and the priest kept his main points to that of "Jesus thinks Divorce is a sin."

Our discussion was mainly centered around the role of women in the church and how the church can remain relevant in a changing society. I learned a lot about the priesthood, why it is limited to celibate men and so on. Crunchy (youth director) made an interesting point: the priest is in charge of so much, he is solely responsible for what goes on in his parish on the business end, the religious end, and everything in between ; so how could he do all that successfully and also be a good husband and father? But I asked how he sees that in relation to protestant churches. He said that in his experience, protestant churches have a big spread of power. There is a head pastor, and associate pastors, and deacons etc. But that doesn't work in the Catholic church because they try to maintain unity and "control" by keeping the chain of command very short. If a bishop needs to check in with a parish, he only has to talk to one person to know everything that is going on in that parish. And the whole woman thing: besides Crunchy and the priests, all of the parish employees that make the church run are women. Many with masters in divinity. The same degree that priests have. So maybe there will be a change in the future. who knows....

But this discussion left me confused. I was learning a lot, but all this talk about catholicism was unsettling. After a conversation with my parents I realized what was bothering me... I think... The separation of Catholics and Protestants. I feel like I am placing so much emphasis on the differences when we come from the same family. I guess the minimal theology classes and history classes I took at Whitworth felt fairly ecumenical. Catholic church history is my church history too, to an extent. I can't reconcile the institutionalism of the catholic church. It is just such a big presence and personality that it's sometimes hard for me to see Christ beyond the politics. And to rub salt in the wound, I have a housemate who cannot miss a Sunday mass. Not that that is a bad thing, but he feels that it is a sin not to take communion every sunday at mass. So if I want to go to a protestant church and invite my housemates to join me (like I am this Sunday), he will wake up extra early to first go to mass, then come to my church service. I feel like he's saying I'm not good enough. But don't we worship the same God at each church? Doesn't God know what's on his heart when he sits down in a worship service? Where's the unity? Where's the trust? Where's the reconciliation? I don't know.

Perfect Autumn Day

2009-10-14T13:08:00.000-07:00

For our community event this past week, my housemates and I decided to spend the day in Hood River and head out to the apple orchards on Sunday. I've heard a lot about Hood River - Ian's best friend Joel is from there - so I was excited to finally see the place. We got into town after a lazy sunday morning around 1:30 and met up with Joel for some coffee and catching up. We swapped stories from our community with those of his girlfriend Christine's experience with JVC in New Jersey, and got the quick tour Hood River - it's not that big. It was nice to spend time with a familiar face. We left Joel to spend the rest of his birthday (I forgot it was his b-day, woops) with friends and continued on our adventure. We hopped on a windy road up into the mountains that led us through scenic viewpoints of Mt. Hood and Mt. Adams and found our way to Rasmussen Farms. This place was AWESOME! Though not as big as Green Bluff back in Spokane, it definatly made me sad I hadn't gone more often when I had the chance. Rasmussen farms had a pumpkin patch, hot cider, a corn maze, and barrels of apples and squash for the taking. By the time we got there, it was late afternoon, the sun was low and golden, the air crisp and fresh, it was the perfect fall day. We wandered through the corn maze, picked out some delicious looking pears, apples, and squash to take home, and then got to pick out our pumpkins! Because we used community money for the pumpkins (we're going to roast the seeds and make pie/soup from the flesh), we tried to keep them pretty small, but it was hard to find the right one. I probably took the longest to finally decide, but we were all happy with our choices. Now we just have till the week before Halloween to carve into those suckers. We finished the day off with a nice Full Sail beer at the brewery back in the Hood.

Whitworth Wedding Weekend

2009-10-13T15:39:00.000-07:00

My friend Ben Parker got married this past Saturday in Portland. In addition to being a beautiful wedding, it was also an wonderful reunion of my Whitworth friends in good 'ol P-town. I got to spend the day running some errands with Annie D - a breath of fresh air to be with someone who get you instantly and doesn't have to work so hard to just be. Once at the church in Lake Oswego, it was like a constant excitment fest. I kept seeing one person after another - some whom I hadn't expected see and some whom I had only hoped I'd get to see again. I know I'm a usually smiley person, but there was a perma-grin on my face for the whole evening. The ceremony was beautiful and Christ centered - even though Lindsay and I couldn't stop chatting - and the reception full of joking around and good catching up. After a little cake and dancing, we wished the happy couple well, ushered them in to the elevator of the hotel then Annie, Nate, Dan and I headed out to McMenamin's Crystal Ballroom for a beer. I can't explain how great it was to catch up with these people who were fundamental in my growing up, in how I became who I am today, who know me and love me for who I am, who I don't have to prove myself to, who I have a common story with. I was able to talk about life and spirituality and receive unconditional love and support. And to simply laugh with good people. A wonderful night with good friends: i felt at home.

makes me home sick for whitworth

Success!!

2009-10-02T17:50:00.000-07:00

I've had a breakthrough! Okay, so this whole "Keep Yourself Healthy" class series has been a real downer, but it is something that I am really interested and should be excited about planning. So finally today I feel like am getting there. The classes weren't working out on Tuesday night: it wasn't ideal for patients, the teacher we wanted just started water aerobics instructing classes on tuesdays, and I would have had to add a third late night to my schedule... no good. BUT what about Saturday? The space we want to use is most likely available, our teacher is ready and excited to teach, and our patients preferred a morning class to a late night class. YAY! I also got to spend most of this morning designing a pretty awesome looking flyer, got great feedback from my boss and successfully navigated a phone conversation in Spanish to figure out how to best advertise. I feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

Next week - nail down dates, figure out curriculum, and start signing people up!

By the way - our clinic manager was sick on Wednesday, and I got to run clinic ALL BY MYSELF... well with the help of our nurse... but only a little. I was the go-to Spanish speaker for intake and rocked it :)

Fall is here.

2009-10-01T12:48:00.000-07:00

I’m not quite sure how it happened. Almost all of September was Beautiful and sunny and somewhere around 80 degrees. But slowly in the last week, the mornings have been a little more crisp, infiltrating our poorly insulated house. The afternoon sun has been more amber, not quite as bright. Maybe because I’m not in school for the first time in 17 years this I wasn't ready for it to come. It really hit me last night and this morning. I walked home barely avoiding the drizzle, hoping to bike out to Powell Butte with Gretchen and go for a short evening hike. I don’t know if it was just the clouds but by the time I was home at 6:15 it was so dark! I don’t remember it being this dark when I got home from work last week. The only real option was to throw on the sweats, make a nice warm pasta and drink a glass of wine with the girls. After work activities are no longer an option. Then this morning on late-start Wednesday, I got up to go for a run, but couldn’t make myself get out of my warm bed and expose myself to our cold house. Eventually I did and got ready to go running and had to throw on my long sleeve shirt so I didn’t catch a cold.

Dark Skies, Long Sleaves, and Sweats. Fall is Here.

Oh spanish...

2009-09-24T22:33:00.000-07:00

Something Lynn said in our meeting bothered me. In the process of trying to develop this program and make sure that the Latinos that express interest actually attend, they need a person that encourage them to come. Lynn told me “You are white, and if they don’t quite understand everything you say, they’ll say yes but not show up. You need a Latino to be in charge of patient communication.”

That makes sense, but was a major ego killer. I was just coming out of another dagger to the heart from the night before at the Latino Patient Advisory Counsel. I could communicate well enough, but you get enough Hispanics in a room they just rattle off with all the nuances of the Spanish language and slurring of words. I understood the gist of everything, but definitely not word for word. Being the only Gringa in the room was definitely intimidating. I was getting more and more confident with my Spanish at clinic, but this was definite proof that I am not where I need to be with my Spanish skills. I speak well, and my roommates are encouraging, but I need to be able to communicate better. Bummer.

Manténgase Saludable

2009-09-23T16:59:00.000-07:00

So I was pulled into a meeting two weeks ago with our Executive Director and the Kaiser summer intern to discuss a Grant that we were awarded. We were awarded a grant based on our proposal to provide nutrition education and healthy cooking classes to the latino population that our clinic serves as a way to be involved in diabetes/hypertension/obesity education and prevention. Sounds pretty exciting, right? I thought so... until I realized that the summer intern was about to take off back to school and the reason I was involved in the meeting was because this is now MY project. So here I am, two weeks later, losing my the summer intern/grant author tomorrow, about to be left out on my own on this project, and completely overwhelmed.

Up until yesterday things had gone fairly smoothly. I was calling locations: churches and schools with kitchen and childcare facilities, narrowed it down to a few to visit. Went to a local middle school and decided that their facility was probably the best. I even presented to the Latino Patient Advisory Counsel – a meeting of our Latino patients to get their input on the services we’re offering, a meeting all in Spanish mind you – to get their opinion on what days and times would be best for classes. Things seemed to be going well.

Then Yesterday morning I had a meeting with the woman who runs a very similar… well pretty much the same… program through the OSU extensions office. The intern and I were supposed to go together, but she was shadowing in the ER, so I was on my own. My intention was to get some information about their program and some helpful tips and resources about running our own. Little did I know that I was walking into the lions Den. The woman was not happy that we were “trying to reinvent the wheel” of a well-known and well-oiled program. She was frustrated that we didn’t use them in the grant writing process and after a lot of discussion and trying to convey that I wasn’t involved in the grant writing process and didn’t know if our ED was aware that we could partner with them, she reluctantly decided to let us use their curriculum, and perhaps even teach the classes herself. Though our meeting ended with a hug, it was an awkward and tense experience, and now there is even more pressure on me to make sure our program is well advertised and well attended so that Lynn’s time is used well and we don’t create any more conflict. Yikes – not what I was expecting

Ciao Amiga

2009-09-16T12:00:00.000-07:00

We once were 7, now we are 6. I've heard stories about JV's leaving their communities, but I never thought it would be mine. My roommate Meagan left us last wednesday. She told us a week before she left that she was going through some personal stuff, couldn't be herself in the house and had decided to go back home. It was weird though, because as soon as she told us this secret that she had been carrying around, everything started to mesh a lot better. We got a lot closer in her last week here. But none the less, it's hard to deal with a lot of personal stuff in a new place with new people. So she's back in New York, hopefully feeling better, and hopefully gonna stay in touch. She had her negative moments, but I think we could have been the support she needed if she had let us. I'll miss her hugs and her laughter, but hopefully we'll see her again.

Labor Day Weekend

2009-09-16T11:23:00.001-07:00

I know I'm a little over due for a blog post, so I'll do a few to make up for it :)

Labor day weekend I took my room

mates home to Seattle! It was awesome... well... at least by the end. It was transformational for our community for sure.

My parents were visiting the rest of the fam in the bay area for the weekend, so we had the house to our selves. When we first showed up, I was nervous as usual, about to invite my roommates deeper into my life - I felt pretty exposed. They were all in awe of the trees, and excited to be in such a beautiful home, going crazy sliding across the wood floors... but I was pulling back thinking to myself "why the hell did I bring these strange people to my home. They don't get me. This is weird. I just want to go hide." So I did. After everyone was set up with a place to sleep I went to bed first.

Saturday, I woke up early and went on my usual run through the woods, and came home refreshed and de-stressed and ready to play hostess and tour guide. We had an incredible day doing all the touristy things you gotta do in Seattle: walked from Capitol hill where my roommates met my friend Whitney, through down town, through pikes place, ate the donuts, watched the fish be thrown, got coffee at the first Starbucks, walked to the space needle, then ended with a nice happy hour back on Capitol hill. That night we went to the JV party at the Seattle Cherry Abby house and were suprised to be greeted so excitedly - EVERYONE was awaiting the arrival of the GRESHAM house. Who knew we were so popular? But this is where we really bonded - we were our go-to people, we danced together, we drank together, we had fun together. It was

great.

Sunday I took them all on a very wet hike to Franklin Falls (pics at top), then we had a nice after noon of movie watching and warming up with some tea. Then I took everyone to my home church to give all my catholic roommates a taste of my protestant upbringing. It was so good to be home. It really showed me what I'm missing in my spiritual life during mass. And then during communion the band played "Be Though My Vision," the song I sang at Ian and Annie's wedding - and I lost it. My family was all together, without me, in California. I was home with these people who are slowly getting to know me better, and there was no one at the 6 o'clock service that I had expected to see. I tried to hold back the tears, but I couldn't. After the service I tried to compose myself, but ended up sitting down and crying in the narthex in front of my roommates. I eventually recovered, and we headed to a coffee shop on the Ave to discuss how we felt about the service and had some great discussion about where we are all at in our spiritual lives, what we value in our faith journeys, we talked a lot about catholic culture and guilt, which is so foreign to me. Then we finished off our intense conversation at the Compline service at St. Mark's on Capitol hill and left the service of Chanting monks a little more relaxed and reflective. A great day.

Love

2009-09-04T01:28:00.000-07:00

I love my job.

I had the best day at work today. It was another grown up day. I started out in our office downtown on Overton, then went an orientation meeting with the Coalition of Community Heath Clinics - the coalition that our clinic and 12 others like it belong to that are providing no-to-low cost health care for those that our health care system has left in the dust. The people at the coalition are the people who help clinics communicate to each other, share resources and ideas, and they are the ones that put into motion all the referrals that I start during clinic. To have this incredible network of advocacy and support for those who are not provided for by the government is incredible. These people do amazing things and I am so excited to be a part of the work they have set in motion.

After orientation it was off to a manager's meeting/happy hour hosted by the coalition. Yet another venue for clinic managers to update each other on the new happenings in their clinics and try and help each other trouble shoot. I ate my fondu and listened to Angie from Inside Out talk about her need for a new Dermatologist to direct the tattoo removal program. This may seem somewhat trivial, but tattoo removal for someone who is trying to get out of the gang scene and turn their life around, or a man who got a swastika tattooed on his chest in prison and now has a two year son and doesn't want his son to grow up in an environment of hate, or a homeless youth with tattoos all over their face trying to get a job and get off the street Tattoo removal can mean rebirth.

These people running these clinics are Saints. They are crusaders for love and respect. They want everyone to claim their human right to live a full and healthy life. Without the coalition, thousands of people would have no where to go. I was doing a referral tonight and as the man left my office he said to me "It's such an incredible service you people do. You have no idea." Another woman shook my hand earnestly and said "Que dios te bendiga. Muchisimas gracias" - God bless you. Thank you so much.

Eventful Week

2009-09-03T10:52:00.000-07:00

A lot has happened in a week, so I'll just do a quick recap:

On saturday we had an all day painting party that was also youth event for the parish. We spent roughly 9 hours painting the downstairs common areas of our house with our neighbor (and youth director of the church) and 7 or 8 high schoolers. The kitchen now has yellow walls in addition to the already light green cabinets, orange countertops and purple doors, our dining room is a beautiful espresso brown with a "sand dune" beige accent wall, and our living room is a deep crater lake blue with an espresso brown harem (it has little nook we call the harem or love nest). The hallways each got a fresh coat of beige and the bathroom is yellow as well. Its starting to feel a little more like home. After the long day of painting, my old roommates mom was dropping off her youngest daughter at George Fox and stopped by to say hello. It was so nice to see a familiar face - I think I hugged her harder than I've hugged anyone in a long time. Then our house joined Crunchy (our neighbor) and the kids for a viewing of Back to the Future outside in our shared backyard.

Sunday my parents came out to take me to an early birthday lunch! It was so nice to be able to show them where I live and explore the city a little bit. I took them to Cafe Delirium, the local cafe in Gresham where my house spends a lot of time, out to lunch on trendy 23rd, down to the sunday market, and out to Mt. Tabor fora pretty view of the city. They were able to meet most of my roommates, which was fun. Everyone thought my parents were super cute - Gretchen says her favorite thing is meeting parents. It makes the world make sense :)

Tuesday: a lot of things happened... My work day was full of meetings, which is always interesting. I learn a lot about what wallace does and get to contribute to making it better. At the end of our big team meeting, the office had a delicious chocolate cake for me and sang an early happy birthday to me. It was very sweet:) This was also the day that MCAT scores are released, and they were supposed to be released the same time that my team meeting started - so when the singing was over, I rushed back to my office to check, but no luck. Scores weren't released until 6pm. Gretchen and I borrowed Crunchy's internet to check our scores after dinner... me first... and I'm happy! I'm not taking them again anyway. I got a score that was at the lower end of what I wanted, but I think it's good enough. So now I can just sit back and relax until I start applying to medical school in 8 months!

One more big thing happened on tuesday - one of my roommates told the community that she's leaving . She didn't go into too much detail, but she's dealing with some personal stuff that she can't resolve here, so next wednesday she's flying back to New York. So there are some big changes to be had. I have a meeting with our area director today to check in about the situation.

Wednesday: My Birthday! I'm now officially 22. It was a wonderful and relaxing day. I got up and made myself some breakfast pancakes, read my book, talked a lot of friends and family, treated myself to a salad at cafe delirium for lunch and headed off to work at 2. It was an awesome clinic! I was in charge of referrals and it was great! I also was able to talk about my MCAT score with our medical director, and laugh and chit chat with all the medical providers between patients. I am bonding with my coworkers and just having a great time. When I got home, my roommates had prepared a feast of hummus, bruschetta, birthday cake and beer and we had a nice little birthday party. Over all a good day.

This weekend the community is headed to Seattle to visit the other JV houses for Labor day. I'm going to be taking my roommates to my church on Sunday and then to Compline gregorian chanting at St. Marks on capitol hill for our spirituality night this week, so I'm really excited to hear their thoughts.

Not Quite There

2009-08-27T00:21:00.000-07:00

It's been interesting trying to live with 7 new roommates. I've been having a lot of out of body experiences lately, examining my situation as though I were removed from it, and it just seems so strange! I'm living with 7 people who a month ago I didn't know existed. We are all forced to become a support system from each other, but how can we do that when we don't know each other well enough to know what each person needs. We are constantly putting each other in boxes, clinging to the little tid-bits that we've been able to learn in the three weeks we've shared a living space (it still feels too much like an office space, not quite a home).

I never really know if I'm being myself. I will have some moments, like last night playing Canasta with Tomás, where I feel normal again. And then there are other nights, like late night conversations in Sinclair's room, where I feel so misunderstood. Then when I try to clarify why I am the way I am, my explanation doesn't do me justice. I am fluid, my reactions change, I can't give you a reason why I don't hug you when I leave the room without putting myself in a box. And I don't like being in a box.

I shouldn't have to explain who i am.

I just am.

Give it time.

We will get to a point of understanding.

I hope.

It's hard not to feel completely comfortable in your own home. I want to be me, but have always be nervous about how people perceive me. I'm jealous of Gretchen who is who she is without making excuses. I hold back. And I don't know why. I'm just slower to open up than I thought I would be. I think it has a lot to do with being the youngest. Though I am an ambitious and independent woman, I still feel like I need that guidance. Someone else to pave the way. I can't do it unless I some experience or authority to tell me how. But I don't know anyone who's done this before. It's such strange thing, wonderful at times, with incredible potential, but slow to develop. Hopefully with Patience and Understanding - it will come.

Adventures in Portland

2009-08-26T13:19:00.000-07:00

It was a beautiful weekend in the eclectic city of Portland, allowing for a few fun adventures with my roommates:

Friday: Since Renata, Gretchen and I all worked in the city on Friday, we had hoped our roommates would come out to join us for the evening of fun, but everyone was too tired to sit on the max for another 45 minutes. In the meanwhile, we decided to find a nice happy hour to get some dinner on Belmont. Little did we know that this was the one night a month that the Blue Monk featured belly dancers during happy hour…. These belly dancing women were just people with regular day jobs who have a secret hobby on the side. It was strange. I just tried to eat my shrimp taco in peace and avert my eyes

On Saturday, as planned, Gretchen, Tomas, Justin and I woke up early, packed some lunches and set out on an epic bike ride into Portland to witness the annual Adult Soapbox Derby on Mt. Tabor. Maybe not so epic, I didn’t know what to expect from the 14 mile bike ride. But it was GREAT! We road the flat Springwater trail to 45^th, then navigated our with through broken bike pedals and busy roads to Mt Tabor. We met up with our other roommates who had taken the Max in and enjoyed our lunches while watching Pigs in Space, spinning cups of coffee, and some more aerodynamic soapboxes speed down the windy road down the mountain. We next ventured to a local gourmet pizza joint for a cold beer and delicious slice before biking back to Gresham. A fabulous day spent outside.

Sunday: back into the city for Sunday market! It was like Seattle’s folk life festival, but it happens every Saturday and Sunday. There’s a whole stop on the Max dedicated to the market. The sights and smells were intoxicating. The number of colors and crafts were enough to make your head spin. After the market, it was to the now weekly Costco run, a lot of frustration, and over budget grocery list… but the day ended with a delicious community dinner and a night of paining the dining room in swimming caps and goggles and rocking out to death metal.

Yay for roommates.

Real World

2009-08-21T10:19:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting in the Wallace Medical Concern downtown office off on Overton street just off of 21st. I'm two blocks from the trendy 23rd street and just on the edges of the pearl district. Because I'm working down town today, I gave a ride to my two roommates working downtown today with their placements at El Programa Hispano. It was weird to wake up and hop on the freeway and come into the city to work. This is the real world. I have a job - minus the pay, but a job none the less. When I'm done with work at six, or done with clinic at 10, I got home and don't have to do anything. I can sit around and work on the puzzle in the living room with my roommates without a lab report hanging over my head. I wake up in the morning and don't have to remember to print out my essay that's due or make sure I have all my notebooks for class. I make my self a sandwich and head off to work. It's weird. I don't feel old enough to have a "job."

That was what was on my mind this morning as I crossed the bridge to head into Portland.

Week One

2009-08-16T16:10:00.000-07:00

Week one of work is done! It was a short week, but everyone of my housemates is exhausted. Some of us are overwhelmed by the amount of responsibility and knowledge required of our positions, while others are a little bored and waiting for the busy season to kick in. I am definitely overwhelmed, but so excited. I come home every day from work energized and excited for everything I get to do. I have A LOT to learn, but I just try and imagine myself a month from now having a much better handle on things.

I've already jumped into some work. Though it work didn't actually start till wednesday, I've already worked 5 days. I had a 3 hour training session with Prevent Blindness America on tuesday night to be certified to do pediatric visions screenings at the saturday pediatric clinics Wallace sponsors. Thursday was my first clinic day. I got to go down town and shadow my boss and the social work intern I'll be temporarily replacing on how to set up patients with primary care referrals and help them apply for free specialty care. It was great to see the process get started. Janelle, the intern, and I worked with a man recently released from his 10 year stint in prison to help him apply for a program that would allow him to get a free surgery that is necessary for him to be able to work manual labor, the only kind of job he is likely to get, and to find a primary care physician to help him manage his hypertension long term. He had zero money and no help from the government in finding a job. He explained to us how he was trying not to fall back into his patterns of violence and drug use so that he could support himself and he was so grateful that we could help him in his pursuit of staying clean.

Friday was an interesting day. I went into the office to debrief clinic and help set up for the pediatric clinic, but everybody got to go home around 1pm because the bank in our parking lot was robbed and there was a bomb threat! Gotta love Gresham.

Saturday peds clinic was great! though I did have to get up earlier than I do on normal work days and give up my first saturday in Portland, it was probably the highlight of my week. I got to work with kids of poor families without health insurance and recommended a handful to get glasses. I got to speak some spanish with the families and volunteer interpreters and spent the day chatting about med schools with my fellow pre-med volunteers.

I've got a lot to learn, but with my super nice co-workers and a boss who's constantly sending me home with her gourmet left-overs, I could not have asked for a better job.

Suprises

2009-08-10T12:20:00.001-07:00

One thing that has surprised me is how Catholic everything is. I know that I joined the Jesuit volunteer Corps, but I guess I didn't realize what that meant. I really love and appreciate Jesuit ideas and their focus on action and reflection - understanding how you feel and why you feel that way, but Catholicism scares me. I don't understand it. It's like learning a whole new vocabulary and culture for things that should be simple. I don’t get the subtle jokes, the nuances of catholic culture. 5 of the 7 people in my house are Catholic, or grew up in the Catholic Church. They know all the motions, all the words to say, all the words to the liturgical music, and I sit, stand, and kneel with mild anxiety that I'm making a mistake and someone will stand up and say, "SHE'S NOT CATHOLIC!" Greeting Parishioners, I feel like I'm lying. They assume I'm catholic, but I'm not. I feel like I need to confess to them like non-Catholics anonymous "Hello, my name is Erin Cooley, and I'm not a catholic." Fear stems from not understanding - I'm definitely a little frightened.

But it's a good thing. I think. I’m surprised that I had so many preconceived notions and prejudices against Catholic people. I'm already having great conversations with my roommates about their upbringing in the Catholic Church. I ask a lot of questions about what stuff means, what I should and shouldn't do, sometimes with answers, sometimes not. It makes me want to understand more about my own Presbyterian upbringing and what I believe that differs from what they believe. Hopefully I can spend time researching church history and culture and more good conversations and growth can stem from my feelings of discomfort.

Finally in Gresham

2009-08-10T11:53:00.000-07:00

After a week of deep introspection and hashing out what it means to live in community with my six new friends, I'm finally moved into my house in Gresham. Our house is interesting to say the least. It was built in the early 1900's as a convent for St. Henry's parish, but has served as the office building for El Programa Hispano - a non-profit resource for the Latino community in Gresham - for the past 25 years. For the last year and a half it has been vacant, but occasionally inhabited by homeless squatters. It shares a parking lot with the Parish's community center and a very small back yard with the youth director and his wife - our "support couple." The Parish is right across the street and my housemates and I spent time greeting the parishioners after the three masses yesterday and thanking them for their incredible generosity in donating the furnishings of our home and helping to fix it up. The house is still a work in progress, but livable. My favorite parts of the house are the lavender doors and molding, and sea-foam green cupboards and breakfast nook in the kitchen.

My roommates are amazing. Everyone is pretty down to earth, with the exception of one super A-type go getter from Nashville (Gretchen, who took the MCAT the same day I did). We have some conflicting ideas of what it means to live in an intentional community and to live simply, but we have yet to hash out the details of our weekly community and spirituality nights. Making any decision, such as what kind of milk to buy, and what kinds of foods are essentials take long winded discussions. We have to reach a consensus so that no one looses out and compromises what they want. But we've had some fun late night chats and are definitely bonding as a unit. This year will be full of adventure for sure.

And We're Off

2009-08-03T08:01:00.000-07:00

The car is packed. I was able to fit all my stuff into one huge bag, 2 small bags and 3 small boxes, which might sound like a lot but is incredibly cut down from all the stuff I would cart back and forth to Whitworth with me, and I did give a way three big bags of clothes. It all fits in the trunk of my car, except for my guitar and bike. Still, I worry that I have too much stuff. I don't know how much is too much, how much my new roommates will have, how big my closet is. I hope I'm not "the girl with all that stuff" - but I'm just taking advantage of bringing my car down, right? Well, whether they judge me or not, I am meeting my new roommates in about 6 hours. Yikes!

I'm just taking a leisurely morning to gather a last few things, clean my room after destroying it with all my crap this summer. Maybe a run to clear my head, printing some last minute tabs for my year of reconnecting with my guitar. Then I'm off. A 4 hour drive full of anticipation. Its here. I'm finally going. After months of dreaming and waiting I'm moving finally moving down to Oregon. Wish me luck!

2009-07-29T10:21:00.000-07:00

Well, here I am. Finally taking a deep breath after months of preparation and anticipation. Tomorrow I take the MCAT, a test that will make or break my chances of getting into medical school, then I ship off to Portland, Oregon on monday to meet my six new roommates from all over the country and learn how to live a year of service, simplicity and environmental sustainability. Needless to say it's a little much to wrap my head around. I can't even think about packing up my life until this beast of a test is out of the way, but that will leave me a day and a half to prepare for my year in Oregon. And who wants to think about holding up in an air condition-less house packing in this unbearable heat! But it has to be done.

My Fears:

Not doing well in the MCAT. My practice tests have been all over the board.

Forgetting how to speak spanish. I'm about to jump into a spanish-intensive position at the clinic and haven't spokane spanish in 2 months even after being asked to keep it up and refine my language skills by my clinic supervisor. But at least 4 of my housemates have spanish-speaking positions too, so we can practice together.

The incredible amount of stuff I will be learning in the next month. I have to learn how to run a free medical clinic! And quick! They're giving me a lot of responsibility.

What I'm looking forward to:

New People: My roommates sound super awesome and super diverse. I'm so excited to share this experience with them and to grow in an intentional community that will help me figure out how I want to live my life in the future.

New City: Who doesn't love Portland? I'm excited to live somewhere than Washington State, though Portland is not too far and fairly familiar. Though I won't be right in the city, living in a city bigger than Spokane will be a breath of fresh air.

New Experiences: Being poor, working with a demographic that I haven't really interacted with much, not having easy access to Internet, and trying to establish environmentally sustainable living habits.

The Adventure begins!